Four weeks later...Baby blues and breastfeeding

Hello everyone!  I apologize for disappearing.  Quite honestly, I've been debating if I wanted to continue since this blog was initially started as a #TTC space.  I  didn't want to inundate readers with baby overload, but I still wanted to be able to share some information with everyone--especially since it has been a decade since my last birth experience.  After some self debate, I decided I would continue until I felt the opposite.  So, here we go.

Today, I feel pretty good.  Our beautiful baby girl is four weeks old.  She is starting to display her personality.  I recognize the warning "ah" she gives before launching into a cry if she isn't fed quickly.  We've finally gotten the hang of this nursing thing but we still have to supplement with formula because I'm just not producing enough for her appetite.  I was pretty bummed about that initially, but I'm much better about it now.  Plus, I needed the additional rest time because she did a number on my nipples (TMI).  Thankfully, Lansinoh has been a great tool!

I wish I could say it has been that great the entire time.  I developed baby blues this pregnancy.  I suppose it was a release of hormones and a combination of lack of sleep in the hospital.  It may have been the massively stupid disagreement that I had with S. in the car on the way back from the hospital or a hidden disappointment of how I thought things should have gone versus how they went when we got home.  Whatever the trigger was, I found myself overwhelmed and weepy.  I tried breastfeeding and the little one couldn't get the latch correct.  My nipples were a raw and bleeding mess.  I kept trying because with our first, I had no issue.  This time I could barely hold the baby on my chest because of the pain.

Fast forward to her first post-birth appointment and I was still feeling overwhelmed.  S. had already returned to work, so it was just my oldest (who was kind enough to accompany) and I.  The baby had lost so much weight, but was slowly gaining.  She wasn't at birth weight and the pediatrician, while not worried, wanted me to come back in two weeks to ensure the baby was continuing to grow.  Fortunately for me, she's a great eater and has gained much more already.

Back to the baby blues.  My mother came to visit her new granddaughter when the baby was about two weeks old.  Bless her for recognizing that I needed a bit of alone time to get acclimated to the baby before visiting.  When she arrived, I was just getting into the hang of scheduling (or attempting to), but felt more than a bit overwhelmed.  She sat beside me on the couch and I started crying because I felt woefully inadequate and honestly, things have been a bit strained in my household lately.  She gave me the biggest and best hug, told me it would be okay, and tried to assist in whatever way I needed while she was here.

I only needed her to be available, not necessarily do anything.  I just liked the idea of her being able to if needed.  Mama's baby indeed.

Right now, the baby is nestled snugly in her bassinet.  I am catching up on Cosby Show and blog posts and looking forward to the couple of hours that I'll have to sleep.

I promise to be in touch soon!

Have a great evening.


A birth story!!

I've always loved birth stories.  I didn't really write one for my first born. I regretted it. This one, however, is different because we all journeyed together.  We fought for this one.  Medications, hormones, tears, blood, faith.  This one was a battle against infertility.  This one has a following.  So, here we go...

All week long, the people at work were taking their bets about when I'd go.  My due date was 26 Aug and no one, including the Program Manager, believed I would work up to my due date and I was determined to prove them wrong.  I almost achieved it. :)

Contractions woke me at about 2:30 Friday morning.  I'd been sleeping downstairs on the couch because it'd been the most comfortable for my back.  When they started, I wasn't too worried.  I'd had them off and on for the past week and usually they would stay for two hours and then go away.  I figured these would be the same way.  I didn't even bother to wake S., but I noticed these were a bit different though.  A dull ache that didn't seem to go away.

I had my final doctor's appointment scheduled for 9:30 that morning, so I figured I would just go to the doctor's office and let them check me.  My contractions started getting more intense at 5:46 AM and  I began pacing floors and timing them with my app. I went to the bathroom, wiped and there was bloody show (which I'd never had with my first pregnancy).  Contractions started coming every 4 minutes and lasting about 2 minutes in duration.  Silly me, I should have gone then, but I figured they would stop soon and I could still just go to the doctor appointment and kill two birds with one stone.

I'm not ready! (Nesting)

I haven't written in a while.  Truth be told, I've been tired and haven't felt like writing.  I'm still working and when I get home, I would much rather sleep than write.  Still...I'm late in update.

Today, I woke up to a flooded bathroom and dirty toilet water everywhere.  This is on the day that I have two meetings scheduled and a lot of prep work before maternity leave starts on Friday.  There was no way I would make them.  So I asked someone to cover for me and spent my morning with bleach, Clorox wipes, Pine-sol, and elbow grease.  That led to an extreme case of nesting.  I mean it was horrible.  Horrible.  I cleaned the bathroom then went through the kitchen.  I've been rearranging stuff.  It's a mess.

My three year old comes to me after I overdid it and was sitting in the living room chair only to tell me that the baby will be here soon. Specifically, she says "the baby wants to come out".  Um no, little one.  I have way too much to do for that.

The hospital bag is packed and in the car.  I do have to pack some snacks and make sure my charger, phone, and tablet are ready to go, but other than that, it's ready.  Still, I am not ready to have this baby.

Truthfully, I'm nervous about it.  I'm older, more out of shape (acknowledged), and I'm just nervous.  What if this one is more complicated?

I haven't discussed this with my husband yet.  But I'm nervous this go round.  My first pregnancy was so easy.  It was a decade ago.  I felt great.  This time.  Not so much.  I'm sleepy.  I'm not being able move as quickly as I was before.  I gained 30 pounds with the first pregnancy.  I'm pushing 37 this time around.

I hope this time I can have a quick recovery.

We'll see.

37 weeks

DISCLAIMER: This post contains information about our pregnancy. Because I know all too well how these kinds of posts may affect my fellow #ttcsisters and #ttcbrothers, I include this disclaimer to forewarn you. I understand how much these posts can sting and promise to continue to add the disclaimer on any post that may be related to this pregnancy (assuming viability) so that you may have the option to bow out of reading. I understand.

Our baby is now the size of a stalk of Swiss chard. Because baby is running out of room, there are mostly stretches and wiggles instead of big kicks

Baby's Weight: 6.30 lbs

Baby's Length: 19.13 in

Total weight gain/loss: I am officially 187 pounds. Total Weight Gain is now 30 pounds.

Maternity clothes?: Yes and some of those are having to make room to accommodate this belly.