36 while 36: A New Opportunity

I have to be honest. I’m not quite pleased with how I did with my 35 while 35 bucket list. Yes, there were some pretty nice accomplishments like exploring a new city and attending a black tie affair. However, I didn’t get half of the stuff I should have and I felt my list was slightly superficial. It just didn’t make an impact. No, I didn’t make an impact. So, I’m going to try it again. I’m hoping that I can knock some things out this year that open me to a lot of new experiences, and help me to grow as an individual. (Some of these beautiful suggestions came from a variety of bucket lists around the world including getoffthecouch.com).  Like last year's list, I'll add links and dates where applicable.  I also invite you to return to last year's list.  I'd like to see if I can complete some of those items, too.

1. Establish a strong social media presence for YGI and OF&S

2. Establish a stronger physical presence at my son’s school events for the upcoming school year

3. Do one thing every two weeks that will take me out of my comfort zone but open me to new experiences and opportunities

4. Volunteer for the Alzheimer’s Association

5. Awake NLT 6:30A M-F and NLT 8:00A on Saturdays and Sundays

6. Complete 2 30-day challenges

7. Attend the 2017 Honda Battle of the Bands

8. Try a new dish

9. Have a monthly date night with my husband (Almost)

10. Attend a poetry slam

11. Achieve my ideal weight (126-130 pounds)

12. Attend a spa day

13. Watch every movie on the IMDb Top 250 Movie List

14. Do 36 random acts of kindness

15. Get a professional massage

16. Hike at Government Island

17. Write letters to 5 people who have positively influenced me

18. Host a dinner party

19. Learn to swim

20. Attend an Ugly Christmas party

21. Visit a new city

22. See a play

23. Host a Game Night

24. Attend a Sip n’ Paint or Dine n’ Paint event

25. Have dinner with FatherWinter at Potomac Winery

26. Buy something for a stranger off their wish list/registry

27. Attend a jazz festival

28. Attend a Mother Daughter weekend with just my mother and I

29. Go to an orchard and pick fruit

30. Make preserves

31. Regularly get my hair done

32. Take the kids to an amusement park or the state fair

33. Take a self-defense class

34. Have a professional family photo shoot done

35. Landscape

36. Bake my own bread

CD40 and no Aunt Flo in sight

This is downright frustrating.  My fertility apps like to remind me that there are only three reasons a cycle is late--pregnancy, late ovulation, or no ovulation.  I'm fairly certain I ovulated this month.  The high sex drive, the egg white cervical mucus, the ovulation pain.  Yep, I pretty sure that occurred.  But my cycle is still not here.  So, I'm sitting here trying to figure out what next.

I have taken no less than 8 pregnancy tests within the last eight days.  They have all been negative with the exception of one that was definitely an extremely faint positive and another that showed what could have been the beginnings of a pink line.  Today, on CD40 of a typical 32-day cycle, I received two negatives.

My mood swing kicked in this morning.  I snapped at my nine year old because he went out of the house without lotion on and his legs looked like he swam in flour.  I felt so bad as soon as I did it. His response, "Mom, it's okay.  Is it almost time for your cycle?".  I promise I am not that bad.  He just knows that I can sometimes get cranky around that time of the month.  I felt so awful about it.

I just wish it would come on now.  If I'm not pregnant, there is no need for me to be without a cycle. Let it come on and we can start again or not.

Hopefully, it will be here soon.  BFP or Aunt Flo.  In the meantime, baby dust to all who are ttc.

Happy Birthday to me!

Today is my 36th birthday.  Yep, 36 years old.  I'm okay with the round number.  It feels...good.  I've learned a lot in 36 years and one thing that remains is that I can never stop learning.  I have to keep going, keep growing, keep learning.  So, I'm excited about being 36 years old and still trying to conceive.

A recent conversation with my gynocologist has me declared as advanced maternal age.  Really?  I didn't think that was the case at all.  But apparently, once I got off that 35 year old mark, I became the Old Maid of conception.  Lol.  Good to know as I walk through this season.

Today, I have taken two pregnancy tests as I am now 4 days late.  I made the mistake of grabbing a blue dye test (accidentally) and saw a faint line, but I cannot tell if it is an evap.  So, remembering the fiasco of last month where we (now with confirmation) had a chemical pregnancy, I ran back out and got pink dye...but I haven't taken it.  My nipples are still sore.  I'm still cramping.  I still have a bit of nausea.  These are still symptoms of PMS.  So, we'll see.

In the meantime, I'm having fun enjoying my birthday in peace and quiet.  I pray your day has been perfect and blessed as well.

I'll keep you updated on the tests!


Still no Aunt Flo...

So, on the 17th of July, I posted on my Instagram feed last night that my cycle had not arrived per schedule. I was cramping alerting me to her presence, but nothing was there. I didn’t test at first (I was proud of myself for that one too). I just figured Aunt Flo would arrive the next day. 

When I woke on the 18th of July, my nipples were so sore I could barely touch them (TMI). Not a big deal as they do this every single cycle. So, I just knew I would see Aunt Flo.  Well…she didn't show. So, I did take a test. I took an 88-cent cheapie from Walmart. #BFN.  

 I thought the possibility of a line could have been there and then shook my head recognizing the shadow of indent. So, there I was two days late, cramping, and still waiting for Aunt Flo, hoping that maybe she wouldn't arrive.  Fast forward to yesterday morning and I woke up with the same sore nipples, and a pinch in my lower right side.  No worries I thought.  Aunt Flo is probably here.  I went to the bathroom and nothing.

I had an all day meeting yesterday and decided, during break, that I would get a HPT since it was now approaching the completion of day 3 without Aunt Flo.  Took the first test as soon as I came back to the office and........#BFN :(  Nothing.  

I was driving home last night and the pinching cramp returned along with back pain.  I am familiar with that during times of #PMS, so I chalked it up to a late arrival for some reason.  However, I had another digital test last evening and decided to take it.  It took forever to count down, but eventually it revealed that once again, I have a #BFN.

So, I've given my body permission (sound goofy but sometimes I think my mind and body want this so badly that it subconsciously holds the release just so I don't go through my stages of grief again.  But seriously, if I'm out, I'm ready to be out and to try something different next month.

We know IVF is still going to be our best bet, but we are limited on when and what we can do with funds being tight.  Still, God is able and I believe that if it is His will, we'll conceive--one way or another.

I'll keep you updated. Keep us in your prayers.