The results....

If you follow my Instagram page, you know by now that my lab blood work came back with my confirmed suspicion of Vitamin D deficiency as well as lower adrenal function and anemia. Essentially, this is the reason I've been feeling like I'm dragging every where I go.  Because some of my blood work and follow-up answers showed hormonal implications (i.e. longer and heavier periods), I was prescribed progesterone. My Vitamin D implications have me taking 10000 IU for a month and then 5000 units daily thereafter.  Because of the cognitive and memory issues associated with the deficiency and also my Hashimoto's, I have been recommended pregnolsone (SP) to aid in that.

Now, I've been at home, at work, everywhere doing as much research as I can about the impacts of Vitamin D deficiency on fertility.  I stumbled across several articles that confirm that Vitamin D can has as much as a 30 to 50 percent risk increase in fertility issues and/or miscarriage!  Wow!
Hopefully, the Vitamin D increase will work and S. and I will understand what the disconnect has been in our bodies.

We'll keep you in the loop!  Love you!


Vacation Butterflies

We are officially BOOKED for our family vacation! This year FatherWinter and I decided to introduce the children to a cruise! Oh my, we thought it was an amazingly awesome idea. So much so that we asked FatherWinter’s sister and brother in law and their kids if they wanted to come as well. They said yes! I have to admit I like traveling together with them. They are not afraid to step out of the comfort zone and try new things. They came with us last year to Florida and I really did enjoy their company. Plus, their children are neck and neck with Superbug and Honeybee. We knew there would be a lot for everyone to do—both separately and together. Not only will this be the kids first cruise, but also my sister and brother in law and their family. So, I’m really hoping for a great time.

Photo courtesy:
I’m really excited about that there are kids camps throughout the day that allow the adults to have some alone time while allowing the kids to play together in all sorts of fun activities. I also love that there are so many different food choices that everyone’s palate will be satisfied. It’s pretty safe to say that I am more than a little excited about this trip. BUT (and of course there are buts), I am admittedly nervous.

I really want the kids to enjoy themselves. I really want FatherWinter and I to enjoy ourselves. So, I’m scouting everything. I’m trying to research everything. We’re riding down in a huge RV that will allow everyone to get there at the same time. We’re proposing leaving late night so that the kids will be sleep most of the time. It should take about 12 hours to get to our destination. Then, we arrive on board, grab something to eat, and then have a little down time before heading to muster station training.

Then we’re off! I can’t wait to see Honeybee and Superbug’s faces as we pull off and wave to everyone. I can’t wait until they have their first realization that they are on a moving ship for a week! I am so extremely excited about this journey!

But, admittedly, I have a few butterflies. I am really searching through these blogs and forums on what to pack for Honeybee. She has eczema. Are there any special extras I should take with us because of the sea air. I want to create a cool “to do” kit for Superbug while on vacation. Maybe a “scavenger hunt” of things to look for on the trip. I want nice pictures and fun memories. What is Honeybee has a tantrum? What if the kids get motion sickness? What if they get homesick? Sigh.

Then I can’t forget Superbug. I really want him to be happy and enjoy his trip as well. Time to sit down with him and ask him what he is most looking forward to? Does he even understand what will be on the cruise? Eeek! Yep, we have about 70+ days to get it together lol….not to mention my weight lol.

Here’s looking forward to great fun and wonderful planning!

Talk to you soon!


Weekend Recap: Not just existing...but living

Hello, everyone. This weekend I had the very sad task of supporting a friend at her mother’s funeral. Her mom was in her 60s. She wasn’t old. She was smart. She was well-loved. She was respected. She was gone. In the twinkling. Seriously, she was up and talking to her oldest daughter and then several hours later, she was gone.

The email that shared her passing was so raw, so painful. It read simply “Mom’s gone”. I knew what it meant immediately. My heart dropped when I read the words. Still, I asked “What do you mean gone?” And there was the conversation. A few days later, Saturday, I found myself and Honeybee strapped into carseats and seatbelts and on our way to support a young woman I’ve known for over 25 years.

At the funeral, I sat behind my girlfriend at her request. I willed her my strength and love as she rolled to the front of the funeral attendees and read a poem for her mother. The poem was beautiful. It was absolutely beautiful. But there was a line. One line that stopped me and has stuck with me ever since. She wrote to her mother “You taught me how to live and not just to exist”. That buried itself within me. It really did.

I’m 35 years old and, while I love the life that God has blessed me with, I had to ask myself “Am I living or am I existing”. I have to admit my life has settled into a rather predictable routine despite my desperate attempts otherwise. I get up about the same time every morning. I say my prayer, which is unfortunately not near as intimate as it should be. I get up, wash and brush teeth, and then get dressed. I walk into Honeybee’s room and pop on the light. The same greeting of “Good morning” greets her and she smiles at the routine. I hear Superbug walk toward his room and he gives his good morning hugs. I go through my routine. Making sure Honeybee potties. Making sure she’s dressed. Making sure the children eat. Making sure Honeybee says goodbye to her grandmother and father. Making sure I leave the house at the same time Superbug exits to stand at the bus stop. Sure enough there comes his bus and I wave as it drives by and he within.

The rest of the routine stays the same.  A drop off, an office arrival, email checks and meetings until work day end, followed by a pick up and a home arrival for dinner and whatever extra curricular activity lurks.  It's always the same.  It actually has me I just existing?

Last July, I wrote this cool 35 while 35 list of things I'd like to accomplish before I turned 36.  While some of them are a bit outside of my comfort zone, most of them are 'safe' and predictable.  There isn't a legacy with them.  When I pass, whenever God calls me home, I certainly hope I will have left a positive impact on someone's life.  I don't want to leave a hollow existence.

So, I'm hoping to create a vision board.  Several close friends of mine use them and have had very great results with them.  I want to do one for long term goals and one for short term goals.  Let's see how it helps me. Let's see if I accomplish more and live instead of  just existing.


Is this the app for that? And waiting...again...

So, I’m not currently on a medicated cycle. I don’t know when I’ll have the ability to once again be on an Reproductive assisted cycle. We simply cannot afford it right now. So, for the moment, all I can do is try naturally. So far, nothing doing.

I was turned on to an app called Optia by the ladies in the Instagram #TTC community. I’d been using the Glow app and, while it captured good information, I’d not seen results in the year that I’d been working with it. The Optia app offered more of a medical insight on everything I’m going through in my body. It also gave me a fertility phase and chance of fertility scale that was more user-friendly (in my opinion) than Glow. So, I’ve been trying it while simultaneously monitoring my stats on the Glow app.

This past week, I was at an extremely fertile. I should have known it because I felt like She-ra, Princess of Power for a while there. I think I scared S. I was so…um…anxious to see him. I looked at the app and realized I was at a 27 on the fertility scale! First of all, I’ve NEVER seen a number that high. But considering how I felt like I could bench press a bus, it matched. So, we baby danced several times, several nights. As is true with my body, I felt She-ra leave and regular me return. Now, according to both apps, I have to wait two weeks before testing. So, here I am.

I really want this to work. I really want to be pregnant. I really want to carry S.’s child. I want to see his face break into a huge grin as he realizes that he is going to be a daddy…again, but for the first time as well. But, once again, I’m not sure it will happen L.

I’ve had cramps off and on all day. At first I thought it could possibly be implantation, but nope. No spotting. I’m doing the same stupid things I do every month, but promise myself I won’t do like going to Babycenter’s due date calendar and calculating due dates and milestones. I’m contemplating when I can #poas and get an accurate response. I’m looking at maternity clothes. I’m a mess. And I do it monthly. UGH!

Today, right now even as I draft this post, my secondary screen is open to forums on Pre-seed and Secondary infertility. The cramps are coming with disappointing regularity and I am ready for another failure. I keep trying to think positive, but it will be four years at the end of this month.

I need something to work. Sigh…

Here’s waiting two weeks….Good luck to us.