Showing posts with label ttc. Show all posts

FET: CD18 Transfer Eve


It's the night before my transfer and I'm sitting here with my husband watching him watch football.  My right butt check is still protesting the injection I gave myself earlier.  I am almost certain there would be a bruise if I actually looked carefully enough.

I'm tired.  I'm ready to close my eyes and have a good night sleep before tomorrow's transfer.  I've done this before.  I know how this is supposed to go.  But man...I wish I didn't feel so nervous.

Tomorrow, if God is willing, I will have little passenger(s) resting within my womb at the end of the night.  I hope and pray with all of me that this procedure works.

Keep me in your prayers all.

-K

FET Update: CD14-We have our date!


Well guys, things have taken off at a rather rapid pace. After a pretty quiet cycle, I went in on yesterday (CD13) for my lining check and to confirm that 1.) I was at a lining of at least 8mm and 2.) I was ready to progress to progesterone in oil. The blood work and lining came back fine and then I received a call from the nurse practitioner.



Just when we had a bit of breathing room...

Hi everyone.  A few minutes ago I opened my email and was greeted with a message from our fertility financial coordinator.  Remember how yesterday I was so thankful that our meds would cost a lot less than last time?  Well, the joy of less income was short lived.

The journey continues. FET #1 is about to begin.

Photo credit: Shady Grove Fertility
It’s been a while since I’ve shared about our FET journey. That’s because there hasn’t been a lot to share. We were delayed for a number of reasons.  First, the fertility clinic was cautious about proceeding after my trip to Punta Cana where I was once again besieged by demon mosquitoes before I doused in repellent and they didn't want to take the chance on Zika (I completely understood).  Shortly after that, I received a diagnosis of PPD.  {I promise to blog about that one at another time.}

Our FET consult

Hi everyone!

Yesterday, I went to our Reproductive Endocrinologist to discuss what we need to do to begin our Frozen Embryo Transfer.  S. and I have been discussing it and feel like we would both like to have another child.  With baby A. at 9 months, almost 10, this seemed like a perfect time.

I met with Dr. G., who was so happy to see me and I felt likewise.  She is a beautiful woman and I love the effort that she and nurse A. (who is seriously a sister from another mister) made on our behalf.  Dr. G. explained that we have three embryos left.  There is one Day 6 embryo and two Day 7.  The preference is to transfer the Day 6 though all look great.

Not ours, but a pretty good representation.

IVF #2 9dp5dt: Cramps and spotting

Hi everyone.

So, I am trying NOT to get excited.  I am also very cautious in sharing this.  I have been cramping off and on for the past two days.  I shared a couple of Instagram posts about it.  They haven't been filling me with a warm and fuzzy.  Tonight, the cramps reached a fever pitch.  I was on the verge of tears because they really hurt!  I told S. that I didn't think this worked and went to the bathroom because it was time to take my Endometrin.  I went to the bathroom first and upon wiping discovered pink blood that only appeared when I wiped.  I immediately thought implantation bleeding as I remembered this vaguely from my son's pregnancy a decade ago.  I used the vaginal insert tool and when I withdrew it after inserting the tablet, there was a scant amount of pink there too.  I wiped again and nothing.  Then, I thought...too late for implantation bleed, right?  Anywho...

I flew down stairs and told S. that this may have just worked.  He wisely told me not to get to excited, but was smiling himself as I explained.  I still have cramps but it is accompanied by back aches.  The cramps now aren't horrible, but they are still there.

I still have NOT tested and I will keep my promise to S. not to.  I hope to not be disappointed on #beta day, but I can't do anything but pray and not stress now.  I won't be sharing this news on IG in a post.  I also won't share it with my two "real-life" #ttc cheerleaders as there will be no point if this isn't good news.

For now, I'm going to enjoy being pregnant unless proven otherwise.  And I am going to continue to joke with S. about baby names just in case.

Have a great night everyone.

-K

IVF #2  9dp5dt: Medications
  • Estradol- 2 pills taken orally (1 AM/1 PM)
  • Endometrin- 1 vaginal insert 3 times a day
IVF #2 9dp5dt:Symptoms
  • Recurring cramps
  • Intense Cramps
  • Slight nausea
  • Pink spotting
IVF #2 9dp5dt: Developments
  • None to report
Next Appointment
  • Beta test day- 23 Dec 2016

IVF#2 4dp5t: Cramps...

Hello everyone.

Today is 4 days past 5 day transfer.  I've been doing fairly well with not hitting "Dr. Google" for every twinge and twang, but there are a few differences that I've noticed and am hoping mean great things.

Last night, I attended choir rehearsal in prep for our church's Christmas concert this coming Sunday. I noticed that I felt a small wave of nausea throughout the day, but chucked it up to the progesterone. While standing in the choir loft, I suddenly received a cramp so sharp and sudden that I actually said an audible "ow"!  I didn't feel it again for about forty-five minutes of so and then I felt a smaller one, slightly duller.  I thought that was odd, but didn't want to do symptom spotting.

I guess I had pregnancy on the brain even if I wouldn't admit it because I had some pretty vivid pregnancy dreams last night.  One that I remember well was the line progression on a series of four pregnancy tests.  Each day the line was darker.  I pray that's our truth.

This morning, I was awakened from my sleep with some pretty strong menstrual-like cramps.  Yep, it feels just like AF is around the corner and I was a bit disappointed.  I thought...so much for that.  But I decided not to dwell on it.

I've had those cramps off and on most of the day.  I am really hoping that means good things.  I have backaches and a small amount of nausea as well.  I know from experience that all of these can come from the progesterone.  But I won't lie and say I'm not hopeful.

I'm a bit tired tonight, so I won't hold you guys.  Have a great evening and I will write again soon.

-K

IVF #2  4dp5dt: Medications
  • Estradol- 2 pills taken orally (1 AM/1 PM)
  • Endometrin- 1 vaginal insert 3 times a day
IVF #2 4dp5dt:Symptoms
  • Recurring cramps
  • Slight nausea
IVF #2 4dp5dt: Developments
  • None to report
Next Appointment
  • Beta test day- 23 Dec 2016

IVF #2 CD 17: Transfer Eve

Hi everyone!

It’s been a terrifically busy day today. This morning, I attended the retirement of a great family friend. He’s been in Civil Service for a few more than 30 years and is ready to enter into a new phase of his life. I love it and am thrilled for him and his family. Can I tell you how beautiful the retirement program was? It was just amazing.  I shed more than a few tears today.  Such a great man and such a wonderful man of faith.  After the retirement, I returned to work and made sure I got documents out the door in preparation for meetings next week (yay…meetings). I have to be honest.  I was pretty ready to leave.  Fridays make me want to leave work in expeditious a manner as possible anyway.  A cold Friday after an emotional charge of crying...yep, I want to call it.  Fortunately, it wasn’t too long before it was time for me to go home for the evening to prepare for the evening retirement celebration the family was having.

So let's start with the attire thing.  I had plans to wear this cure little dress with a coat for outside. Ummm....no.  After the weather I felt this morning, I decided that I would dress a bit more warmly and enjoy function versus fashion lol.

The banquet itself was awesome.  Kind words, good fun, awesome dancing.  It was a very enjoyable evening. Plus S. and I got quite a few cute pics together.  No complaints at all.  Even the cold was bearable.

Now that we’re home and everyone in his or her respective place, I’m prepping for tomorrow. There’s not too much to that except pulling out my clothes so I don’t have to tomorrow. I have my #TTC socks given to me by the beautiful @hopefulbb2017 and yoga pants. I know there are a host of people who hate seeing them in public, but when you are carrying the bloat I am, you rock them with no fear lol. I’m also making sure to have a pretty warm (and bulky) sweater tomorrow. It’s supposed to be pretty cold as far as the wind chill tomorrow. (YAY) LOL.

Other than that, I’m super ready. I am looking forward to transfer and hoping and praying that everything goes beautifully.

I’ll talk to you guys sometime tomorrow!


-K

IVF #2 CD 12: T'was the night before retrieval

Hello everyone!

A lot has happened and, while I've been updating on IG, I haven't done the best of jobs updating on this cycle.   So, let me bring you all up to speed.  I posted on IG that my right side follicles were growing like champs, but my left was a bit more sluggish.  That didn't really concern me at first because it has always been a bit more sluggish.  But my right side started breaching 20 mm on Friday and by yesterday (Saturday CD 11), I actually had one trying to nudge 22.  The ultrasound technician actually spoke out loud that she wondered how much further "they would be willing to push it".  My nurse A. happened to be at the weekend monitoring location so after the ultrasound was complete, I went into a separate room with her to discuss trigger information.  I actually left skeptical because my left side still hadn't caught up.  There was one 19 mm on that side.  Everything else was 14-16.

Fast forward to yesterday evening while lounging with S. and the phone rings.  The nurse tells me that I was going to trigger that night at 8PM!  My retrieval has been scheduled for 8AM tomorrow and S. and I have to be there at 6AM.  Wow!  I was NOT expecting that.  I suppose I should have been though.

I am on the same protocol from cycle 1 and I triggered on CD 11 then.  So, I guess it really is history repeating itself.

Tonight, I have developed some sort of stomach bug.  I suspect it is from the burger I ate last night.  It came back immediately after I ate it (TMI).  Today, I was feeling a bit blah, but figured it was just my being tired.  I took a nap after church, had a bit to eat and my antibiotic for tomorrow, and then twenty minutes later I'm in the bathroom.

Ugh.  I am hoping it will run its course tonight.  I can't take anything after midnight and I am rapidly approaching midnight.

Here's praying tonight will calm my belly and that tomorrow will be okay.

Have a great evening.

-K


IVF #2 CD8: Daily Monitoring

Hello.  Today is CD 8, Stims Day 6.  I went for my blood work and ultrasound this morning and discovered that my follicles have been busy trying to grow.  My estrogen count is 1,443.  I have 12 measurable follicles.  My right side is continuing to overachieve with seven follies.  My left side is chugging right along with five.  At the moment, I'm looking like this...

Left Follicles                                                     Right Follicles
  1. 14.6                                                          1. 15.9
  2. 11.8                                                          2. 15.9
  3.   9.0                                                          3. 15.8
  4. 10.7                                                          4. 11.4
  5.   9.5                                                          5. 15.1 
  6. ----                                                            6. 11.4
  7. ----                                                            7. 11.1     
   The sonographer told me I would be in daily monitoring from now until transfer unless something changes.  I already made my appointments.  Things appear to be progressing along.  My back is starting to kick my butt and my level of fatigue is also rising.  I'm about to start inhaling the Gatorade again because these headaches have been returning and there is nothing fun about them.  There is also the nastiest nausea that I have ever felt.  Considering how there has been a stomach virus going around, I'm not too sure of what this is.

Stims Day 6     
  • Gonal-F 112.50 ius
  • Menopur 150.00 ius
Stims Day 6 Symptoms/Side Effects
  • Bloated
  • Fatigue
  • Headache
  • Backache
  • Hot Flashes
Stims Day 6 New Developments
  • Daily Appointments starting CD9 ( 1 Dec 16)
Next Appointment
  • Bloodwork and Ultrasound-IVF CD9
                           
I'll check in tomorrow.

-K

IVF #2 CD7: Tired!

Hi everyone!

Today was the introduction of Cetrotide.  So, I woke up this morning, tried to get everyone out and on time, and then realized I was about to walk out without my morning dosage.  So, I managed to pull everything out of the fridge, and without numbing myself with ice, took my needle.  Ugh.  It's a good thing I was in such a hurry this morning.  I didn't have time to focus on the HURT!!!  UGH!

It wasn't until I was halfway home this PM when I realized that tonight I'll be taking three shots before I lay head to pillow....and I'm already exhausted.

Tonight, I'll be taking Gonal-F and Menopur (double dose).  So how do I feel?

Well, honestly, I'm sleepy.  I am so tired, so fatigued.  I feel exhausted and I would like nothing more than to take a nap.  I remember taking my last shots at 7:30 because it worked well with our schedule. Because my schedule altered this cycle, I'm taking the meds at 9:15.  I wish I could take them earlier now.  I really want a nap.

Other than that, I'm great.  Not much cramping today, so I'm not even sure everything is working today.  But I assume so.

Let's pull today's stats and see what tomorrow's bloodwork and ultrasound bring us.

I'll talk to you later.

-K

Stims Day 5
  • Gonal-F  112.50 ius
  • Menopur 150.00 ius
Stims Day 5 Symptoms/Side Effects
  • Bloated
  • TIRED
Stims Day 5 New Developments
  •   Cetrotide to be added 29 Nov AM
Next Appointment
  • Bloodwork and Ultrasound-IVF CD8, Stims Day 6

IVF #2, CD 6: New Cycle, New Symptoms, New Adjustments, and New Players

So, today is CD6, Stims Day 4. And apparently my body is just itching to overachieve. I went to my BW & US appointment this morning to see if any of my follies are starting to progress. The sonographer said she counted 13 on my right and 10 on my left! 


BUT...don’t get too excited. Only four of those thirteen are measurable right now. I have one 9.9 cm follicle on my left side. My right side, which loves to overachieve, currently has 11.5, 10.6, and 10.3. Looks like we’re trying to hit that 18mm mark sooner than later J. My lining measured at 5.3 and I’m all about making that as healthy and thick and beautiful as possible if it means providing a nurturing place for our baby(ies). I am all positive for this cycle.

If you have followed the blog for a while, then you know last cycle, my estrogen count on stims day 4 was 724. That was MUCH higher than they wanted it to be and they adjusted the amount of medication I took. Well, this time, I’m performing a bit better at 588, but still higher than the RE likes on stims day 4. So, I’ve been adjusted again.

Tonight, I will adjust my Gonal-F by 37.5 ius. I’m only taking 112.5 ius. The Menopur will remain the same dosage tonight BUT tomorrow a new friend joins the party….CETROTIDE!

(Okay, for all the nerdy people like me, I totally heard the ominous echo and had a vision of a Cetrotide transformer showing up. I love my imagination).

Anywho, I start one vial of Cetrotide tomorrow AM. Now, what is tremendously awesome is comparing my first cycle to this one and seeing the similarities. Like my last Stims Day 4, I am starting to develop a headache. I had a nasty one hit me almost immediately after taking my Gonal-F/Menopur cocktail last night. It went away but today, about 1400 (2pm), I started having one live behind my eye. It almost feels like a migraine but isn’t. Also, returning to the party, just like last time is the bloat. I guess the follies really are trying to grow. I certainly won’t complain!

Nurse A. just called and confirmed all of my meds and scheduling. I return to the office on Stims Day 6, IVF CD 8, and we’ll see what happens then. Here is today’s breakdown and I hope you find it helpful.

Stims Day 4
  • Gonal-F 112.50 ius
  • Menopur 75.00 ius
Stims Day 4 Symptoms/Side Effects
  • Headache behind right eye
  • Felt first “tugging” of ovaries. Never knew what my #ttcsisters were talking about until I felt it
  • Short stabby prick in right ovaries
  • Bloated
Stims Day 4 New Developments
  •  Estrogen count is 588
  •  Gonal-F reduced by 37.5 ius
  •  Cetrotide to be added 29 Nov AM
Next Appointment
  • Bloodwork and Ultrasound-IVF CD8, Stims Day 6

I will update you tomorrow!

-K

IVF #2 CD 4: IVF #2 has officially begun (Stims Day 2)



Hello everyone!  Happy belated Thanksgiving.  I should have written a couple of days ago, but it has been so busy in my household that it was next to impossible to do so.  I have my IVF #2 Baseline blood work and ultrasound on 22 November.  Everything was quiet and "beautiful" per the sonographer and I left with my new medication calendar and follow-up appointment scheduled.

While at the RE's office, I met a young woman who was just starting her IVF journey and she and I were sharing experiences as her husband has male factor infertility numbers similar to S.  The young woman seemed appreciative of the fact that I was willing to talk to her and it reminded me of our IG community.  It's nice to have people who understand and can relate to what we're walking through.  I told her she was more than welcome to talk to me about it in the future as well.

Fast forward past the 30+ people in our home and the controlled chaos of the Thanksgiving holiday (not to mention the gratitude of God) and yesterday found me at the start of ovary stimulation.  The first dosage was a bit tricky logistics wise because I had to excuse myself from all of our guests to take the dosage.  I also had a couple of changes from our first IVF cycle.

And so it begins...
Last cycle I was started on 225 iu of Gonal-F and 75 iu of Menopur.  I responded much quicker than expected and the RE ended up reducing my Gonal-F to lower my risk of OHSS.  (My estrogen numbers were high!). This cycle, I have been started on 150 iu of Gonal-F and 75 iu on Menopur.
I'm interested in seeing how my body will respond though I have to admit I have already felt ovary twinges and I'm familiar enough with them by now that I know it's not my mind playing tricks on me.

Here's my breakdown for the Stims Day 1:

Stims Day 1
  • Gonal-F    150 iu
  • Menopur     75 iu
Stims Day 1 Symptoms
  • Definite recognizable twinges in my ovaries, particularly right side
Stims Day 1 Developments
  • N/A
Next Appointment(s)
  • IVF CD6:  Bloodwork (Monday, 28 Nov 2016)

I'll see if I can post again tonight with an update on stims posting today.

I love our community

I've said it more than once.  Our #TTC community is amazing!  I've had more support in my virtual family than I could have ever imagined.  But this latest episode?  Oh my am I overwhelmed.

There was no way S. and I could afford another $4K in meds.  I told S. that I was going to contact the #TTC community on IG for assistance.  My honey was skeptical.  I told him it couldn't hurt to try and we'd be no worse off than when we first started.

So, I put out the call for Menopur, Cetrotide, and Gonal-F pens.  Several ladies contacted me.  We were able to connect and discuss what was needed.  Some ladies just contacted to let me know they were sharing my request with others.  Two ladies in particular became saving angels.

In the past four days, I have received all of the items requested plus some beautiful notes of encouragement and #TTC goodies.  I've also shared some laughs and encouraging words behind the DM screen.  I tell you I am humbled.

This community really is amazing.  I don't have enough thank yous in me because there are simply not enough to show the gratitude I have for you all.  This journey is hard.  It's especially hard because S. and I are in this solo.  With the exception of one girlfriend who has successfully walked through this journey herself and one #TTC supporter who successfully delivered her own healthy bundles, no one knows we are having these issues.  Even the supporters don't hear from me often.  It gets frustrating.

Every day I log on to my phone or computer and I see messages of encouragement from #TTCsisters worldwide to each other.  I see you all mourn when a baby receives angel wings.  I see you celebrate when a baby is born.  I see excitement when a #BFP is announced.  I see fierce Mama Bear protectiveness when someone comes insensitively to another sister or brother (I see you all out there and love you too!) walking this journey.  I also see the shared devastation  and support when a #BFN is shared.

If our entire world could embrace the support and love that is found in this community, it would be a powerful thing.  I thank you for that.

I plan to edit this post to include pictures of the meds received and the gifts attached.  I think it is important to see that there are still wonderful people in this world.  S. and I still needed to make some additional purchases, but no where near $4K and that is a HUGE blessing.

Thank you very much and may God Himself cover you with His love and blessings.  My husband and I thank you.

-K

Gearing up for IVF Cycle 2: The Follow-Up


Hello everyone. Oh my! I had no idea that it had been so long since I have posted. I sincerely apologize for not writing, but truth be told there hasn’t been much to write about. You were there via Instagram for the devastating blow of #BFN after the faint positive from the blue dye test. (Note to self: Never EVER use blue dye again). Then, there was the celebration of my ttc sisters who succeeded on their IVF journey. That was exciting and fun and sad at the same time. But I am still thrilled for them. Now, it’s back to reality.

I started birth control for IVF cycle number 2 on November 3rd. That tiny little sphere was basically my “here we go again world” war cry. And here we are taking it day by day. So what does today bring? Today brings intake. Yesterday was our follow-on What in the World (WITW) appointment.

 The news gave me a lot to think about.

The new pill regime begins

I talked to Dr. G and her response was the protocol worked beautifully. We produced 12 good quality eggs, 9 of which were mature. Four fertilized. Two eggs divided quite nicely. One was a beautiful blast, the other only slightly behind. They were implanted. One of the remaining stopped growing pretty quickly. The other actually looked like it was going to continue dividing. It was in the same stage as the slightly behind blastocyst when it stopped dividing as well. And nothing remained.

I asked if it was an egg issue, a sperm issue, or something else. And she explained that it could have been anything, but if she had to guess, she would have guessed S.’s sperm count. It was low. Really low. Much lower than it had been for the IUI and that was significantly less than 1M. When counting sperm per grid, S. only had 7 moving per grid. I’m linking this Mayo clinic page that breaks it down much better than I, but here’s my layman.

Sperm is looked at under the microscope to see how many normal sperm appear in squares on a grid pattern. If they use a big 4 corner squares gril, they are looking for a number x50K to determine sperm per ml. If done by 9 big squares grid, they are to look by x22K to determine sperm per ml. S. had 7 or 350K. A normal minimum is 5M and my husband (if I understood correctly) had 350K after sperm wash on the day of retrieval. 

Not exactly a great number

 All of that being said, Dr. G reminded me that it only takes one good sperm and one good egg for success. She also said that with counts this low the very DNA of the sperm can be affected and the embryos can stop developing if the pregnancy will not be viable or if there will be genetic issues. She suspects that is probably what happened to us despite the blastocyst and morula looking very good.

We’ve gone to one of the top specialists in the nation for male factor infertility and he said the S. had no findable issues. I think it’s time for a follow-up. Either way, we are pushing forward and I pray everything works out. I’m a couple of days away from ordering some of the meds and our community has been able to help with others. I am investing in no stress and just focusing on God.

We will conceive.


-K

IVF#1: Fail


Our first IVF has failed.  It didn't work.  It was not a success.  It failed.  Writing those words has to be one of the hardest things I've done in a long time.  I couldn't gauge it.  With the IUI, I had a feeling it didn't work.  The count was so low.  Even the doctor didn't have a true look of confidence.  But this time...This time it was different.  Dr. G. was so excited about our embabies.  She called them beautiful.  She called them gorgeous.  The blastocyst was ready.  Its little brother (I assume) was equally beautiful.  I knew one or both would take.

I did the pineapple core and POM.  I rested after retrieval and the evening of transfer.  I was up the next day because the office wanted me up and moving.  I didn't overexert myself.  I stopped jogging. I made sure to eat and take my meds.  I talked to them.  I encouraged them.  But the babies didn't stay. They went back to heaven.  They went back to creation. And the procedure failed.

I waited all day for the phone call.  When nurse A. called, I dialed S.  We'd agreed that we would find out together.  And then she said "Unfortunately" and I knew.  Less than 1.  A negative one.  My beta was a negative one.  I'm not quite sure how a number can be so empty it's negative, but it is and it belongs to me.  I didn't cry. I felt a flash of anger and disappointment wrapped in a white hot ball and I embraced it.

When the call ended, I verbalized "I'm done" and I simply shut down my office computer and walked out the door.  I drove to a parking lot and sat there for about ten minutes in complete silence.  No music.  No radio.  No words.  I just sat there and then I continued the rest of the day.

When S. got home, I didn't want hugs or to be coddled.  I just wanted space...white space, quiet space.  I still haven't received it.  I recognize that my husband is grieving too, so we've embraced. But I haven't been able to open up in what I'm feeling yet.  I honestly don't know.  Someone asked that I not lose faith.

I won't.  Whatever happens in the rest of this journey, I know and believe that God is my rock and in Him will I trust. I recently saw a young woman in our community curse God the other day when she lost her child at ten weeks.  I prayed for her.  Her pain was so real and palpable.  I know she is hurting and I know she professes to be a woman of faith.  I pray that she will be able to seek God again and let Him comfort her in loss and strengthen her is His grace.  We were never promised a life without trouble, trial or tribulation.  If she is reading this blog, I am praying for you and praying peace for you as well.  I didn't lose at ten weeks.  I didn't get to see the heartbeat or hear it beating with promise.  I don't know that ache nor can I pretend I do.  But I loved my babies as you loved yours. I truly believe that there is a purpose in this pain.  While I don't know that we will ever know on this side what that purpose is, I believe that it is for our good no matter how horrible that sounds.  And it is okay to be angry and hurt and disappointed.  Praying so hard for you!!!

My husband is currently sitting beside me being a wonderful husband.  My hormones are a mess and I have been cramping off and on.  I'm simply awaiting Aunt Flo's return.  We talk with our doctor on Tuesday to address where we go from here.  With no babies making it to freeze, we will have to start all the way over.  With most of my medication exhausted, it will be another larger payment that we aren't ready for.  But we will continue.  No matter what.  

Thank you to everyone for every kind word, every encouragement.  You have no idea how much this means to us.  I haven't met any of you.  But I consider all of you a part of my journey and I'm thankful to walk with you.  God bless you and keep all of you.

I will be in touch.
-K


Beta morning

Good morning!

Well, today is the day.  No matter what happens, by the end of this day, S. and I will know if by some miracle God has allowed us to successfully achieve pregnancy from our first IVF w/ ICSI cycle.  I've kept my promise and haven't tested anymore.  I don't know if I am pregnant or am not.  I've no symptoms beyond a little fatigue and occasional nausea, both of which are familiar to me as PMS symptoms.

I have been told there is no real goal IVF beta number, but Dr. Google begs to differ.  It doesn't matter.  This morning, I seek only to get this test done, and get a response.  Everything after is for another day.

Beta day is here

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IVF CD22: The TWW (4dp5dt)

You can say that again!

Can I be really open with you all? I hate the TWW (two week wait). I do. I just do. Since the first month of ttc naturally, to the first IUI, to this very first IVF, I absolutely abhor the TWW. Sigh. I am trying VERY hard not to symptom spot, but I can’t help it. I sit and work and I’m bloated. Am I bloated from the progesterone or am I pregnant? I’m super sleepy after lunch. Is it the “itis” or am I tired because I’m pregnant? I’m feeling this very peculiar pinprick pain in one specific location in my ovaries. What is it? Pregnant or gas?

Ugh, seriously. I’m about to drive myself up a wall. Fortunately, I’ve not mentioned any of these symptoms or non-symptoms to S. He’s the sane one and always says “let’s not get too overexcited. We don’t want to get our hopes up”. True. We don’t, but we do. I really want to know what our baby(ies) are doing in there. I know the key is to keep your mind occupied. Fortunately, it seems like that will come sooner than later today.

Our eldest has his Back to School night (only it has been changed to Family Night to encourage everyone to come and try the new curriculum module activities). Great. I’ve no problem with that at. We’ve even managed to carve out some time with our son’s teacher. We’ve noticed some behavior we aren’t too thrilled with that we are attributing to hormones and growing up. He isn’t too excited about turning in assignments or focusing. He comes by that naturally. I’m so easily distracted sometimes. It doesn’t surprise me that he is too. But, it’s becoming a concern for S. and I because we want to make sure he has a successful and productive academic year. If we can get everyone—teacher, student, parent, administrators, etc. on the same page, we think it will be great. So, after the Family Night, S. and I are going to sit and converse with his teacher a bit about the best way to proceed going forward. Our goal is to make sure that he is doing everything he needs to do to succeed and that we are doing everything we can do to support him and his teacher.

Tomorrow, I’m taking our fur babies to the vet to have their nails trimmed. I don’t know what I was thinking when I scheduled at 10 in the morning, knowing that I’d still have to come to work, but navigating the time will keep my mind off things.  I'll sign back on after our meeting tonight.
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I'm back.  The parent teacher conference was productive, but not amazing.  We need to keep the eldest more focused and so we're going to try some things at the house to allow the school to supplement.  We need him to do better and be better.  Nothing bad.  Nothing wrong.  He's just being a little boy, but we need him to be more focused as it will definitely benefit him in the long run.

Now, it's back to the PM dosage of meds, my teacup of Pom, and my evening pineapple core.  Anything to help these babies stick.  I read online via IVFConnections due date calendar that today I should be 3 weeks and 2 days.  So, that's obviously way too early for me to even consider testing this week.  Maybe I'll try and convince S. to do so next week.  Then again, maybe not.  

Have a very great evening and I will write you all again soon.

-K

IVF CD22 Medications
  • Estradol- 2 pills taken orally (1 AM/1 PM)
  • Endometrin- 1 vaginal insert 3 times a day
IVF CD22 Symptoms
  • Occasional cramps (probable cause fertility meds)
IVF CD21 Developments
  • None to report
Next Appointment
  • Beta test day- 28 Oct 2016



IVF CD21: And then there were none (3dp5dt) ...


So, there I was trying to convince myself that I absolutely would NOT google track symptoms or lack thereof.  I also promised myself that I would not stress.  No matter what happened, no matter what came, no matter what I thought or may not have thought about symptoms, I would not stress!

Then, I received a phone call.  It was late.  I was supposed to have heard from our nurse A. yesterday regarding the remaining embryo and if it made it to freeze.  When I didn’t get a call, I thought nothing about it.  Today, I decided to call her and her voicemail let me know she was out of the office on conference this week.  No biggie.  I figured I’d leave a message with the front desk when I returned from lunch.  They beat me to it.


One of the nurses, G., is filling in for A. while she is away.  She called and informed me that we actually had two remaining embryos trying hard to divide after transfer.  They tried.  One made it a bit further than his brother.  Then, they both stopped.  No more dividing.  The clinic gave them 7 full days just to see if the extra time would help them divide.  It didn’t.

So, there are no embryos to freeze.  If this doesn’t work….if the two beautiful babies who are currently (hopefully) attaching and growing decide not to stick around, we will have to start all over.  And just like that, I felt the cramps and the sadness.

I know I shouldn’t give up.  I’m not.  I know I shouldn’t count our transferred babies out.  I haven’t.  But I feel loss for the emrbyos that didn't make it.   I’m still hoping and praying we have a great result and soon!

Have a great evening!

-K

IVF CD20 Medications
  • Estradol - 2 pills taken orally (1 AM/1 PM)
  • Endometrin- 1 vaginal insert 3 times a day
IVF CD20 Symptoms
  • Cramps off and on (probable cause is endometrin)
  • Slight nausea (probable cause is endometrin)
IVF CD20 Developments
  • No call about embryos for freeze report

IVF CD21 Medications
  • Estradol- 2 pills taken orally (1 AM/1 PM)
  • Endometrin- 1 vaginal insert 3 times a day
IVF CD21 Symptoms
  • Cramps off and on (probable cause is endometrin)
  • Slight occurrence of nausea today (probable cause is fertility meds)
IVF CD21 Developments
  • No embryos made it to freeze
Next Appointment
  • Beta test day- 28 Oct 2016

IVF CD19: A thief! (Non-ttc related)


 *This post is non-TTC related with the exception of the at-a-glance section at the bottom.  

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Well, if I were looking for a way to keep my mind occupied as we enter out #TWW, I’ve located one!
This morning, S. discovered that someone had broken into his work office and stole his personal laptop and professional video camera (both used daily for his job). The video camera was an industry pro and utilized as he handles his company’s media, editing, and layout. The laptop is his and is loaded with his professional software (he self-purchased) and all of that cost a lot. But even worse, (because tangible material stuff can be replaced), the laptop has our family’s personal information on. Socials, addresses, budget spreadsheets, appointments, etc. All of it. And someone just walked away with ALL of it.

When he told me, my mind wanted to panic. But I managed to sigh and take a deep breath. The discharge instructions and our nurse have clearly said NOT to stress during the next few days. I couldn’t get crazy. So, I listened as S. and I created a divide and conquer plan. I’ve contacted the credit bureaus and have initiated fraud alerts to prevent new accounts and credit from being opened. I’ve also contacted my companies’ security office(s) to make sure they are aware of it in case anything untoward happens.

The good news is I had a colleague tell me that the operating system that S. uses is one of the most difficult to encrypt and even if by some magic they were able to use the computer, they wouldn’t be able to access the files without being a hacker extraordinaire based on the additional protocols we use. That made me feel better. The bad news is the computer also had some sentimental pictures and things on it that are irreplaceable. Those things S. can’t get back and as he isn’t a big fan of clouds. It can pretty much be counted gone.  Also, are the notes and projects he has already started for his job.  That's okay though.  He is still in good spirits and I know it will be okay.

I hope everyone has a good evening and I will write again, soon.

-K


IVF CD19 Medications

  • Estradol - 2 pills taken orally (1 AM/1 PM)
  • Endometrin- 1 vaginal insert 3 times a day
IVF CD19 Symptoms
  • Cramps off and on (probable cause is endometrin)
  • Fatigue (probable cause is endometrin)
IVF CD19 Developments
  • Nothing worth mentioning
Next Appointment
  • Beta test day- 28 Oct 2016