Showing posts with label musing. Show all posts

A Tale of Two Worlds...

Some of you will be quick to unfollow me for this one and it’s okay. I’m tired of being silent about it and if being vocal about my truth causes people to walk away, so be it.

Midday Musings

"...Looking back now I think God saw that if I went too long without love that it would become increasingly difficult for me to submit to the authority of a husband after being set in my own ways."
-Tiff Hornton

I read this in a post this morning of a young woman in the public eye who is receiving backlash for re-marrying a couple of years after her husband died in a car accident. People were calling into question her love for her first husband and her need to move on. The entire post can be found here. I love the post she wrote, but the line that spoke to me the most was the one that I placed above. I was a single mom for several years. I also grew up in a household where fiercely independent and self-sufficient Godly women were my normal. They did it on their own without husbands in the household. They never threw shade to men, never disrespected the idea of marriage or of men, but they did it by themselves.

When I became pregnant and initially did it solo, I developed a “us against the World” mentality. It was my son and I against everything and everyone else. It became my norm. Everything was he and I. My rising. My fall. My thought process. My motivation. My reason for breathing became him and him alone. He kept me going. Literally. When I didn’t want to get up or move, he was the one who kept me up and running. Eventually it became an evident truth that I didn’t care if I ever got married. I was fine in the time and space that I was in. Yes, I was lonely at times, very lonely at times, but I was focused on raising my son and I couldn’t see any man understanding or making space in that. I mean every move I made was calculated to ensure that he had amazing experiences and an amazing life. It was easy to become stuck in my role of independence. I knew I could do it solo. My mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother all lived without the influence of a husband and raised their children. I felt sure I could too.