Showing posts with label IUI. Show all posts

IUI #1 =BFN

I received the call from my nurse. She didn’t even have to say anything. It was all in her voice. It was negative. Why does that word hurt so freaking much? Negative. You know, the Christian in me knows that my will isn’t always going to line up to God’s timing. I know that I’m simply going to have to accept that it wasn’t time. That doesn’t stop me from hurting right now. I’m so angry. I’m so hurt. I’m so emotional.

BFN!!!
And on top of that, the MOMENT she said negative my cramps kicked into overtime as if they were announcing that my cycle has ALWAYS been ready to go; I was just fooling myself to think otherwise. I…am..so..hurt. I haven’t even told S. yet. I don’t want to tell him that over the phone. I’m at work another few hours at least before I can go home AND I have class tonight. Who the blood clot wants to go to class after that? But I have to because I have finals. Ugh….And there is no one I can talk to, no one I cry on because as wonderful as S. is, he’s going to hold it in. That’s him. And none of our friends know we’re undergoing this procedure. Nor does our family. So, I get to stand beside my beautiful loved ones with their burgeoning bellies and deal. I feel like I shouldn’t be hurt. I feel like I’m being ungrateful because God has granted us two children. But…still….

I don’t need to write a long prose or long drawn out letter. The test came back and it’s negative. Let the eating of carbs and sweets begin.


5:29PM

Having had a bit of time to process the events of today, I still find that I'm hurt and disappointed.  I'm just thankful that S. is the man that he is.  We simply started discussing what our next steps would be.  We don't know yet.  We know that we have dialed our RE nurse and will be discussing IVF as an option tomorrow. That's so much more expensive that we even want to consider right now, but we have to try.  I just pray it works, whatever it is.

-K


Testing, testing 1, 2, 3...

Tomorrow S. and I will visit our RE’s office.  I will have my blood drawn and the nurses or doctor will inform S. and I if our first IUI was a success or a failure.  I don’t think I’ve been this nervous for a very long time.  I don’t even want to play the game of symptom checking any more.  I just want to know.

S. and I had a wonderful day yesterday.  He received a major honor in our community of faith.  We got to fellowship with friends and family afterwards.  It was wonderful.  But we were surrounded by beautiful pregnant bellies.  I laughed and smiled with them all while we shared memories of our pregnancies and they shared discoveries of new ones.  They asked when S. and I would have additional children.  Little do they know that we ask the same question silently to ourselves.  I really, really, really want to hear good news.  I’m told I still have to wait for a phone call just to let us know.  I hope not.  I don’t think I could stand waiting any more.  And remember, I’m still reeling from the BFN I received 11piui via the HPT (which was REALLY stupid of me to do).  I really, really want to be pregnant.  I want to see a light of pure joy in my husband's face and not the disappointment we've seen month after month when my cycle comes.  Here’s hoping tomorrow’s news will be wonderful.


Wait! What's going on?!

I hate this two week wait.  I wish I knew what was really going on with my body.  I am currently exhausted.  No.  Seriously, I am exhausted.  I feel like I can barely keep my eyes open.  I went to bed on time and had eight hours of sleep.  WHY am I so sleepy?  Could it be something positive?

I have to wait until Tuesday to know for sure, but could my exhaustion be pregnancy or is it just another cycle related symptom.

I am so tired.

Maybe I'm not out of this after all....

-K

11 days past IUI

Hello everyone. I posted a video update of the latest update in our fertility journey. Feel free to visit at https://youtu.be/l1gLFTaoQIo

Complete Reversal?

I kid you not this two week wait is going to drive me bonkers.  So, against better judgment, I took a HPT this morning and saw an infinitely faint positive line!  BUT it was so faint, I wasn't sure I'd seen anything at all really.

But now my body seems committed to the line.  I've been super tired all day.  I'm cranky.  I'm annoyed.  I'm nauseous.  I'm cramping.  I'm leaking extra wet cervical mucus.  This is crazy!

I haven't even told S. yet.  I'll keep it on the wraps for now, but oh my goodness!!!  HURRY UP!!!

Symptoms of a Big Fat Negative?

So, today is treatment cycle day 23 and 6 days past my IUI.  All week long, I've dealt with cramps and acne courtesy of the progesterone.  I also experienced a much higher level of fatigue than I am used to.  It seemed like I was ready for a nap as soon as I came near a bed...or a couch.  And then, came today.  I woke up and.....nothing.  No cramps.  No sore breasts.  No anything.  A little while later came my mood swing.  I suddenly found myself in a mood of annoyance toward my husband.  Not that he was doing anything.  It was more what he wasn't doing.  I recognized that it was a mood swing and maintained my composure, but at the same time felt a bit sad.  I'm about nine or ten days away from my cycle and the mood swings remind me of my PMS symptoms before its arrival.  I've noted that I haven't had sore breasts or cramps beyond the progesterone and I wonder....did this thing work?

Am I pregnant?  Or will I see a big fat negative (BFN) on the 8th.  I hope for the former.  I would really love to carry S.'s child.

This two week wait is starting to bring out the question in me.

TWW and cramps

Happy belated Thanksgiving! I had a great time here with S. and our family.  I started pecan pies on Wednesday evening and woke yesterday morning about 6AM to make sure I got the ribs and turkey on. Yep, ribs.  We like to have a lot of options.

I don't know if it was because I was moving around so much or if it was because my body is just doing what it wants, but I spent a good portion of yesterday and some of this morning with some pretty strong cramps. These cramps felt like impending period cramps, so of course I had the "well, guess this isn't going to work". I tried to maintain a positive mood for the rest of the day, but these cramps can't be ignored.

I don't know if I am cramping because of the progesterone suppositories or because my body is notifying me that the IUI didn't work.  I'm trying very hard not to dwell on it, but I keep thinking that if this doesn't work, we'll have to scrounge together high amount to go forward in an IUI or even higher for an IVF which our RE actually believes will work better.  But it's so expensive and not covered under insurance.

Sigh.  I hope this works.  Has anyone ever had cramps (bad ones) during their TWW after IUI and received a BFP after?  Your input would be greatly appreciated!

-K

Things they don't tell you 1dpiui

So today marks Cycle Day 17 and 1dpiui.  I decided to record a vlog to keep you up to date with my progress.  Feel free to ask questions or email me at younggiftedandinfertile@gmail.com.


https://youtu.be/5wht1MsjZ3g




Only 800k?....

So, today was the day.  Today S. and I went to the fertility specialist for our IUI.  It was a bit of a process.  The semen drop off was scheduled for ten this morning, but in our area traffic is horrid.  I was riding with the sample in my bosom hoping and praying that we'd get there in time for the sample to be used.  I called the office and told them we were in route, running about ten minutes behind schedule, and they didn't have a record of me!!!! WHAT?!!!!!

After talking for two more minutes, they told us to come in anyway since we were already in route and they had some records in their system for me.  When S. and I arrived, he dropped me off so I could rush in with the sample and he could park.  The office had appointment time available and told me to have a seat.  S. came in shortly after and it wasn't long before I dropped off his sample with the tech.

A few minutes later one of the nurses called us into the consult room and told us that S.'s sample was sub-optimal.  Optimum sperm counts should be at or above 5M after the sperm wash.  S.'s sample was 800K.  There was also confusion as the office had called to confirm our appointment on yesterday, only I never got the call.  Turned out they were dialing my work number and never dialed my cell phone which was listed as the number to use on weekends and after hours.  Because of this the office thought that I'd only taken my trigger shot on yesterday and would have to reschedule for the next day.  Once I told them that I actually trigger per my monitoring nurse's guidance on Saturday, they were ready to proceed.  However, they did let us know that it would be a very low percentage in conception.  Sigh.  We are just going to leave that up to God.  That being sad, I did feel a few tears in my eyes.  They didn't fall though.

We were sent back into the lobby for a few more minutes.  I actually took my work laptop out to keep my mind off the news we'd just received.  Shortly thereafter, the nurse called me back and we were prepping for the procedure.  I voided, went to the lobby and called S., and then returned to the room where I disrobed from waist down and sat on the table.

It was just like a usual pap smear exam.  They'd warmed the speculum which was so appreciated.  The certified mid-wife nurse (whom I wasn't expecting) was engaging and thorough.  She'd viewed my pics before hand and knew I had a tilted uterus.  I was nervous about that because I have read some horror stories about IUIs and tilted uteri, but it wasn't bad at all.  A bit of cramping (very minute) and two minutes later, we were done.  S. was great holding my hand while the procedure was done.  The nurses had me lie on my back for five minutes and then they left the room.  S. and I prayed afterwards that whatever God's will, we would be good and would move forward as directed.

It was a painless process for the most part.  The cramps felt like ovulation cramps, which I'd been experiencing all day, so I can't blame the IUI.  I got home and was able to continue to work from home before I was overwhelmed by the need to sleep.  So, I slept for about an hour and a half and then woke up to make chicken and rice enchiladas.

So, we are officially in our two week wait.  We're supposed to BD tonight and then I am to take progesterone vaginally twice a day from tomorrow until told to stop.  Test date is Dec 8.  I'll be sure to keep everyone updated.

Have a great day.
-K


And it's a go!

Sorry to hold you in suspense.  I really should have shared everything with you when I returned home, but it was a ridiculously busy day in my household.  Between errands and celebrations and birthday phone calls, and no sleep...yep, it was a day.

So, here's where we are.  I went in to the secondary location to have my blood drawn.  They then checked my follicle size.  The first one measured 18.7 which is great!  Our optimum number is 18, so we're above that.  We saw one more on the same right side which measured 19.  So, we were given the go ahead to proceed with the IUI!  

I took my trigger shot of Ovidrel (250ml) last night.  Amazing how much easier it was to administer it once I'd already tackled the Gonal-F injections earlier this week.  It took me less than 3 minutes to do it and most of that was making sure I'd cleaned the area and had the bandage for the pinprick.  

My DH and I enjoyed some one on one intimacy and are now prepping for an IUI on tomorrow.  I'm a bit nervous.  I certainly hope it works on the first try.  That would really be a great and wonderful gift.

Today, S. and I have just been spending some time together enjoying each other's company. Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day for sure.

Prayers and baby dust.
K


Do it again...

Sigh...well, I went to the RE's office to get my BW and US.  The follicles are growing, but growing slowly.  Extremely slowly...sigh.   The 15.5. had barely crossed 16.  The others were between 13-14.  Sigh.  That was disappointing.  I almost expected that because I hadn't been having the gnarly cramps that I usually have when I ovulate.  Even with the Gonal-F, my cycle has been fairly quiet.  Though all of this is new, especially since it's my first one.  Who knows what normal really is anymore.

My nurse told me that I will need to take another dosage of the Gonal-F tonight and then drive quite a ways away to get more BW and US tomorrow.  If we grow like we are hoping to, then our IUI will be Sunday morning.  If it doesn't, there's another order of Gonal-F to be made and another shot to take.

As I type, I take some of the cramping statement back.  I am currently experiencing an ovulation cramp.  Maybe tomorrow will be a good day after all.

Bloodwork and Ultrasound

So, I went in to my RE's office today for my blood work (BW) and Ultrasound (US) to see how my follies are doing after taking 4 daily doses of 50mg of Clomid and then one Gonal-F injection. My left side was pretty quiet ( a 6 and 3), but my right side was showing promise with one 15.5, one 11, and one 13. The doctor says optimum is 18 and it looks like the 15.5 will be the go to. She was pleased it was right side as my left tube showed a potential blockage on my HSG. I am to take another dose of the Gonal-F tonight and return for BW/US on Friday to see where we are. If everything is good to go, we're looking at a Sunday morning IUI.

Let's hope everything goes well.
-K



I just took my first Gonal-F shot

Warrior Woman!!! I am she!!  Lol.  Okay, okay.  It did take a bit of time to convince me to stick that needle into my stomach fat and then, after my husband contributed just by annoying me, I got it done. Honest reaction...felt like straight heat going in and then after I felt a level of nausea that lasted for about three minutes.

Now, I'm sitting here wondering if it is going to do whatever it is it is going to do.  For the record though...I still hurt.

The next step is to wait until the day after tomorrow when I go in for blood work and ultrasound.  I should know then if S. will be contributing a sample or will we have to go back to the drawing board.

I'll keep you posted.
-K

And the verdict is....

Sperm.   Today S. and I met with our RE for her diagnostic of all of the bloodwork and medical tests.  

We started with S's specimen analysis.  Not good.  S.'s first specimen (done about a year ago with our Ob/Gyn) count revealed 5 million when the normal range is a minimum of 15 million. This time, his sperm count was 2 million.  Yep.  2..million....sigh....  His motility was good.  Over 50% were strong swimmers and that made me feel a bit better.  But there was a high number of abnormal sperm.  Sigh, S.'s assignment was to schedule a follow-up appointment with a fertility urologist.

My tests came out fine.  Everything was normal and I was good to go with proof of ovulation, follicular stimulation, and overall health.  Our RE discussed options and actually thought we would be a much better candidate for IVF than IUI.  But IVF is NOT inexpensive and we wanted to at least try the option.

We were happy that our RE agreed and we started moving forward with plans to begin our very first cycle of IUI.  I take the injection class in a week or so and we're kind of in a holding pattern until Aunt Flo (AF) decides to visit.  So, let the wait begin.  

We are officially prepping for an IUI!

-K.

HSG

Well, it's done.  Today was the day of the Hysterosalpingogram (HSG).  I have to tell you that I was beyond nervous about this thing.  I mean I scoured the Internet, had conversations with people who have undergone the procedure, and I was just plain nervous.

Our nurse A. has already warned reminded me that I would not want to eat for several hours before hand and, more importantly, that I should take 600mg of ibuprofen about 30 minutes before my procedure.  So, I quickly went to the local drug store (because of course I forgot mine) and then hightailed it to another state to get my HSG done.

I actually arrived to my appointment with a couple of minutes to spare and found myself texting S. to let him know how nervous and scared I was.  Unfortunately for me, he didn't get the text as he was away from his phone and so I went into the office building scared, nervous, and feeling alone. :(

When I arrived within the office walls, I met another young woman also preparing for her HSG. Apparently, it was the day for them at the facility we were visiting.  We were both equally nervous and in casual conversation about what to expect, I mentioned the ibuprofen.  That turned out to be not so great a conversation piece as the young woman was reminded her of the same instructions that she'd received from her nurse.  Unfortunately, she'd forgotten to heed them and wondered if it would hurt.  I couldn't answer for her, but hoped it wouldn't be too uncomfortable for her.  It may sound funny to say, but a bit comforting to know that someone else was there going through what I was going through.

Soon enough my name was called and I was invited to go into the back for the weight and height check. I was then directed to a little room where I waited for a couple of minutes before a very nice nurse came and escorted me to another room where I was asked to disrobe and change into a hospital gown with the bottom out and then have a seat on the exam table. I was given privacy for the chaging and then, after dressing, it was time.
It was very similar to a regular Pap smear.  I was told to bring my feet up into a "frog leg" position. Then, the doctor prepared the speculum to have access to cervix.  She told me that she going to insert a catheter through my cervix opening into my uterus.  As she was "exploring", she discovered I had a tilted uterus and made mention that mine would be just a bit uncomfortable and that I would feel a pinch.

I absolutely did and a very small cramp as she let me know she was releasing the dye.  They let me adjust to the small cramp and then continued the procedure.  It was done in less than five minutes. The doctors went over the results that she saw right there with me.  My right fallopian tube didn't seem to flow all the way, but the doctor believed it was a kink and not because of a blockage.  Everything else was completely normal.

The doctor told me she was forwarding my results to my nurse and RE and that I was free to go after changing.  The time from walking into the facility to walking out was less than 30 minutes.  I was amazed.  When I got out of the procedure, I called S. and left a voicemail telling him that everything went well.  Then, I went back to work.  Yep, no cramping or anything.  I just went back to the office and to a meeting no less.

I would have the following recommendation for the procedure for those who have never done one before.

1.  Make sure you take 600mg of ibuprofen 30 minutes before the procedure.  I spoke to two people who had not done so and their procedures were very uncomfortable.

2.  If given the option between morning or afternoon, I recommend the afternoon.  The location where my HSG was performed is in an area where rush hour can make or break it.  I made great time in the afternoon, but having to do the same in morning would have been awful.

3.  Have a pack of crackers and a ginger ale or juice to settle your stomach once you get to your car.  You're already going to be hungry from fasting and your body isn't exactly in love with the dye.  You may feel queasy.  I felt it a tiny bit.  The crackers definitely help.

4.  Keep positive.  I almost psyched myself out with the nervous and pain thoughts.  In the end, the check-in took longer than the actual procedure.  I was fine.

Now, is the wait.  We'll be seeing the RE soon and we'll soon have our first step forward.  Woohoo!

-K






.

And so it began...

I suppose the first thought readers possess when searching a blog like this is "so what's your story". It's a fair question and as we may be getting to know each other for a some time, I am certainly game to share.

So...where to begin.  I know! I'm K.  I'm 35 years young though knocking on the door of no more ease in fertility.  I always knew I wanted to be a mother.  Before I wanted to be a wife or professional or dreamer or anything else in the world, I always knew I wanted to be a mom.
When my little cousins and I would play house as children, I was always the mother.  I was sweet and kind, fair and not too strict.  I relished that role and just knew that I would wear it in reality one day.  And my reality kind of went that way...kind of.

After a pretty enjoyable life of business travel, new adventures, and around the clock business meetings, two lines on a plastic cartridge changed my life forever.  I was suddenly aware that my plan of having a child at 30 with a handsome husband and a mahogany wood fenced home (okay, so I had a vivid imagination) had been quite artistically edited to now be a 26 year old single working mother.  And strangely, I was okay with that.  I rolled with the punches, adjusted schedules and travel, and kept it moving.

After a long series of twists and turns which I may share one day, I met the man who would one day become my husband.  Some years after our initial meeting and after years of friendship, this man and I had our first date.  A year later, this man had my son walk down the aisle of a church to assist him in proposing to me.  A year after that?  This same man became husband to me and a bonus father to our son.  (Awwwwwww)