IVF 7dp5dt: Announce away


Hi everyone. Nothing major to report on my TWW.  I am still experiencing period like cramps.  They are very dull and can on occasion be strong enough to make me notice, but other than that.  Nothing. I want to test so badly, but I promised S. that I wouldn't.  So I won't.

There.  That being said it's time to change subjects.   I guess I should start this post by saying the opinions listed here are my opinions and no one else’s. Some may agree. Some might not. But let’s respect our right to have our own opinions and differing ones as well. So, a couple of days ago, I logged onto Facebook and saw the most adorable Christmas announcement for a former co-worker of mine. It basically said that she and her husband-to-be had been naughty and were expecting a new arrival. This will be their first child. I immediately thought “how wonderful for them” followed quickly by “what a cute announcement”. (Seriously, the way they did it was seriously adorable). I’m very happy for her as I am for just about everyone when pregnancy announcements are made. But seeing the announcement kind of made me think about people who may view her announcement with pain and misery and contempt. It’s not directed to her. It is the hurt, pain, and resentment of those trying to conceive who are once again reminded that their body did not cooperate with them. I get it. Remember when I shared about the simultaneous pregnancy announcements from two separate sister-in-loves (law). That one was hard. 

I managed to smile through the announcement and even assuage some of their fears after they informed S. and I we were the last in the family to know because everyone ‘knows you guys are trying even if you haven’t said anything’ and they didn’t want to hurt our feelings. I genuinely didn’t want them to feel like they had to hide their joy from us. That would be horrible. A pregnancy should bring joy and I’d hate for anyone to think they couldn’t share that with us. But, admittedly, after they left I went in the shower and sobbed for quite some time. It wasn’t my finest hour.

When I saw the announcement the other day, I got to thinking about others who have recently announced their pregnancy. One friend just gave birth to her rainbow baby. When she shared her announcement, it was preluded with an explanation that she wanted to apologize for those who would feel hurt and that she understood. It continued that she wanted to share the joy of her rainbow without demonstrating “pregnesia”. I felt bad for her. It felt like she was apologizing for celebrating. I’ve thought about all of that in this TWW and I’ve come to a few conclusions.

1. I want my friends and family to feel comfortable announcing their pregnancies in my presence. Most don’t know the struggle journey that S. and I are on. We prefer privacy in that regard for a number of reasons. As exampled above, I’ve never want someone to feel they couldn’t share something so precious and amazing with me. I want to celebrate with them. Yes, there may be a distant sadness somewhere within me, but I assure you, it won’t be visible. This is a time of celebration.

2. If God allows us to become pregnant, S. and I will announce…but later. This journey is something. It has highs, lows, and what-in-the-worlds. I think I would like to get comfortable with the idea that our pregnancy is real and viable. I’ve seen people announce as soon as the line turns pink. AWESOME! I’ve also seen people wait until the last possible moment. GREAT! Whichever works for you, works for me. I think we would like to wait until we are entering or possibly well into the second trimester. I know anything can happen at anytime. I’ve seen it with friends, family, and associates. But I am truly hoping for great things.

3. Announcements should NOT be looked at with scorn or disdain. You can be hurt, but don’t direct it at the woman. A lot of these women who are posting are in fact TTC sisters who have prayed for a chance to announce themselves one day. Just because they don’t share their story doesn’t mean their joy should be diminished because of it.

I know some people still hate announcements and probably always will, but I believe it will all work out if we show each other compassion and not negativity.

Just musing. Talk to you soon.

-K



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