Lab results imminent

Hello.  I am scheduled to receive my lab work tomorrow to give an indicator of what has been driving me to such levels of illness.  I am so exhausted.  I am very, very, very tired.  I feel like I can't lift my legs I am so tired.  I was trying to walk down the stairs and it was such an effort, it was scary.  I came home early today, got in the bed at 4:30, and didn't move until 9.

I'm convinced it's related to my thyroid and therein my infertility.  But I need blood work to confirm.  All day long I've heard how tired I look, how ill I look.  I didn't even bother to look in the mirror until just now and my eye circles have eye circles.  I look like I haven't slept in days.

I don't know what's going on.  My mother in law seems to think I'm pregnant.  She doesn't know that I am currently ovulating and that, while I would love that to be the reason, I don't think it is at all.

I am so tired I honestly don't know what to do.

I really pray for some answers.  A body shouldn't feel like this ever.  I'll be sure to keep you posted.


Angry beyond compare: I need these lab results

Things are not okay.  They simply aren't.  I'm not being polite about it.  I'm tired of glossing it over. Things are not where I'd like them to be.  Tonight is Good Friday.  While I should be at church with my family, I am sitting here with nausea and depression.  I am quite sure my thyroid has lost it's mind and I need my lab test results to confirm that.

So angry....

It's been ridiculously busy here.  I've been staying late at work every single day this week.  Then I've come home and have had to leave again for rehearsals and practices and so many other things.  I've been run down, fatigued, and less than attractive even to myself.  But even worse is my mood swings.

I've been so angry.  Everything makes me heated.  S. and I had a row last night because he wanted to continue a disagreement we'd had earlier in the week.  I hadn't eaten all day.  I had to stay late at work because we were trying to meet a tight deadline.  I came home just in time to drop off our daughter, kiss our son, and walk back out the door because I was running late for rehearsal.  I just wanted to come home and lay down.  S. wanted to have a conversation and I just tuned him out.

Even writing it, it seems petty, but I honestly couldn't help it.  I have been a combination of moody, angry, emotional, and weepy for the past week and some change.  I went to the doctor to have some blood drawn because the last time I had those symptoms, I was found to be severely Vitamin D deficient and have an estrogen count 6 times above what normal ranges should be.  So, I went back.

I went back and had them run all these tests with all these vials of blood and now I'm in a #tww of a different kind.  I have until next week to wait and discover why I am always nauseous.  Why I always feel like crying.  Why I have pelvic cramps when I'm no where near ovulation.  And why I go from 0 to screaming in t minus 30.  I don't know what's going on, but I don't like it.

And I'm praying that I feel better really soon.


The Return

Hello everyone. It’s been a ridiculously long time since I’ve written and the reason is quite simple. I didn’t think anyone was reading J. I thought no one was interested in our little antics and since our adoption story had been achieved, I figured it was time to let things go. Boy, was I wrong.

A couple of days ago, I received an email asking for the link of the site because there hadn’t been an update email sent in quite some time. I apologized and gave the link and informed the person that I had simply reduced the writing because I was unaware that anyone besides myself was reading. The emailer assured me that people were reading and wanted an update. I thought about it, promised to try, and do better, and then put the thought to the side.

The next day, I received another request from another individual asking why the page had not been updated. This pattern has continued more than once the remainder of this week. Either the people are communicating with each other or it’s time for me to start putting pen to paper on this site again.

So, here I am and here is the promise. I promise to do everything in me to update every 3-7 days, even if it’s just an inspirational post. I promise to be honest and open about what’s going on be it adoption, marriage, love, life, or current events.  I promise to show candor.  I promise to do the best I can with the words that I feel God gives me.

And I promise to take you along for the ride.

Looking forward to riding with you soon....


Words hurt (Non-TTC related)

Have you seen the below story?
Do you know what really bothers me about it? 

Someone is going to defend the teacher for the comments. I've been on the receiving end of similar comments like this from teachers. One teacher in particular stays on my mind to this day. When I was a child (about the age my son is now) I had a teacher who quite matter of factly told me that I was "stupid" and "might as well give up now" because "I'd never amount to anything". This teacher was awful to all but a selected few and I wasn't in the group. So I got it daily...and the other kids who didn't know any better gleefully repeated everything the teacher said because it had to be true if the adult in the class said it daily, right? I never said anything to my family about it growing up because I believed that adults and educators were right and to be respected and I was a young child. It did a number on my self-esteem. It took a minute for me to get to a place where I rejected that thinking. 

And today...some days..... well...People question why I am so quick to stand by my son's side if he says something is off with an educator. Because I lived through it. While I know not every educator is like this (some of the best ones in the world have crossed my path), I refuse to let my children endure what I did. So, I'm the parent that questions. Never disrespectfully, but I am not just going to take your word for it. 

People may feel some kind of way about it, but it is what it is. I truly hope this "teacher" is removed from the profession and I hope this young lady gets some counseling. People might snicker at that, but she is going to need it. Trust. Words hurt. Nasty words from people in positions of authority who are supposed to help you to be better hurt. And please don't give me this "maybe he was saying to make her strive to be better". That was told to me by an adult family member when I shared the incident with years later as an adult while reminiscing about my school days. And that hurt, too. I am very glad this daughter has a support system in her corner.