The Weekend Recap: The return of Spring

I suppose it is official.  Spring is here!  Never mind the calendar date for Spring was actually a few days ago, the weather here has not cooperated with the status quo much at all.  We had one day of 70+ degree temperatures, another of high 50s, then flurries in the morning followed with rain all day long. So, it took me a bit of time to get excited about the season's arrival.  This weekend has definitely helped.

Friday afternoon, I came home and instead of heading directly to the kitchen, I went upstairs and chatted with Superbug.  I wanted to just sit down and pick his brain about a how life is in his 8 year-old world.  We must have talked about 40 minutes.  He told me about how much he is looking forward to the spring and how he wanted to start taking daily walks, have me help him with some of his pitches and catches, and how he wanted to start helping me cook dinner in the kitchen.  Then we discussed what he'd like to see in his lunch box :)  My son loves to eat lol.  It was a great conversation and served as the perfect segue to eating dinner.

"We don't know what's going to happen"

I debated sharing this post.  It's kind of a raw place.  Writing about it almost makes it seem like I'm in a perpetual down place and that's not the case at all.  Quite the contrary in reality.  This week has been pretty good with plenty of smiles.  We've celebrated some really cool milestones like Honeybee climbing the stairs from bottom to top all by herself with Mommy in front her scooting upward and Daddy behind her just in case.  She was so proud of herself.  She sat on the landing and just beamed. We are so proud of you, sweetness.  She did so again this afternoon much quicker than her previous attempt and with much more confidence.  I remember thinking  1.  I'm so proud of her and 2.  Time to put the baby gates up.

So,  no.  It's no a bad place in our home.  But it is a place where honesty is free flowing.  Yesterday, FatherWinter and the family were in the family room watching television when FatherWinter's phone rang.  It was one of our family members calling to see if he, Superbug, and Honeybee would still be making a trip out of town to see another relative they haven't seen in a while.  The conversation was going well and I was about to leave the room so he could continue to talk to his relative in private when I heard "Yes, I really want to take her.  He hasn't met her yet and who knows what's going to happen".

The words hit me like gut checks.  I knew he was referring to the fact that no one knows what is going to happen with our Honeybee.  No one knows the judge's decision.  No one knows how this is going to go.  No one knows if our Honeybee will be our Honeybee for much longer.

"We don't know what's going to happen"

That's the first time that I have ever been aware of FatherWinter speaking anything other than positive thoughts about this journey to his family.  The realization has been sobering. When a man who seems to have this almost annoying ability to always remain optimistic even in haltingly critical times suddenly speaks in questions, it's scary.  It almost seems like we are preparing for the worst.  I suppose we always have been.  We've just not acknowledged that to our extended families, or so I thought.

She. is. our. daughter.

Sigh.  I've gotten in the unconscious habit of publicly vocalizing affirmations over Honeybee.  I don't really remember when it started.  My great grandmother used to do it on occasion. Now I'm doing similar.  I'm just speaking love over .our Honeybee  You are loved.  You are blessed.  You are protected.  You are here.

Every day Honevbee does something new and amazing.  It's amazing how smart she is.  How she is picking up things at a ridiculously quick rate.  I recently downloaded her first app.  It's a sight and sound app that lets her tap the screen and hear the sounds of multiple animals and cars.  She loves it.  LOVES it.  She's figured out how to reset the time out screen so she can play with the goat (her favorite sound) over and over again.  If I try and turn the phone off, she figures out a way to turn the screen back on.  I only let her play with it a little while 10-15 minutes as we go over the animal sounds together, but I am always left in awe at how fast she is growing and at the memories that we get to share.  I don't want to not have the opportunity to do that in the future.

"We don't know what's going to happen"

It's true.  We don't.  The only thing we can do is pray.  And I have.  I will continue to do so.  I will continue to live.  I may even blog about moments of frustration or emotional stress until all is done, but I and our family is okay.  I believe with all that is in me that Honeybee will be just fine, that she will be home with us, and that she will have our love covering her forever.

But I will remember without a single misstep that we truly do not know what is going to happen.


Weekend Recap: Choir Anniversaries

We had an awesome weekend!!!  Really, I could not have asked for anything better.  Saturday, our church's choir celebrated our young adult and youth choirs' anniversary concert.  We had such a wonderful time.  It felt so great to be standing in the loft singing praises to God for all that He has done and is doing in our ministry this year.  Considering how things have been so potentially stressful lately with the TPR and my prayer frustrations, this was such a wonderful and needed event.  Truly, the conversation I had with God AFTER this event was sorely needed and appreciated.

We were blessed with several special guests who came and shared their love of God through ministry. It was fun fellowshipping with them and also with ourselves.  It's always good to sit down and celebrate with people who love and support you and what you're doing.  Which brings me to my FatherWinter (LOVE HIM!)

Because I had to be at the church for a rehearsal well before the rest of the family arrived, FatherWinter and I drove separate vehicles.  I'd already packed my choir attire and was out the door before I realized that I'd left my brown flats which were part of the required uniform.  In a panic, I contacted FatherWinter and asked if he would bring my brown shoes when he came to support us at the concert.  My husband, who was coming with the family anyway,  arrived after fighting horrible traffic about five minutes before the start of the concert with a garbage bag FULL of brown shoes from my closet because he didn't know which ones I'd want.  Can I tell you I love that man?  He's so awesome.

The choir event went so amazingly well.  What made it so awesome was the choirs were made up completely of young people who love the Lord.  We were singing praises to God and we all know who He is and why we praise.  That's something to sing about for sure!

What made the evening even more special was the fact that my family was right there to celebrate with me.  It was heartwarming to see FatherWinter, Superbug, and Honeybee singing and clapping along with us.  After the concert was over, Superbug told me that he was very proud of us and gave me the biggest hug.  Isn't that the coolest thing and role reversal ? :)  FatherWinter added icing on the cake with a kiss and a suggestion that we get dinner out instead of my cooking something for the evening. Lol, I thought that was an awesome idea.

Upon coming home, we were all exhausted.  Literally, I just wanted to hit the bed immediately.  We decided to spend some time talking and catching up about the day's events though.  I caught this awesome pic of Honeybee in the process.  She just wanted to show off her bow lol.  

After sharing the day's events, we all got ready for bed knowing we had to get up early this morning for early Worship service.  Alas, we left the house late this morning.  I made it to the choir stand in time to sing, which is always a great thing, but I hate getting anywhere late.

It all worked out though and the church message was so on time!  When we got home, I found myself again being so tired.  FatherWinter was had the children in their rooms to rest or play and he made sure I got to catch up on rest.  He has been AWESOME!  When I woke up a bit later, I made sure Miss Honeybee was fed and changed, and bought her downstairs to join her father and brother.  

We queued up the DVR and the family watched March Madness games today.  We were rooting for University of Virginia as we are have a family friend connection to one of the players on the team...

Unfortunately, their tourney ended today so we watched a few other games, caught up on some of our shows missed during the week, had dinner, and called it an evening.

It may not have been the most eventful weekend event.  But I have to say, I wouldn't have changed it for anything.  Now to get ready for Ms. Care's monthly visit.  :)

Have a great evening.


CIBH: Blockages in my prayer life

This post is a part of the Can I Be Honest (CIBH) collection.

I haven’t had an earnest conversation with God for a while now.  I’ve awakened in the morning and have thought my thanks for being allowed to see another day, but the prayer that came from my lips seemed automatic even to me.  I’ve blessed my food and have thanked Him for its availability.  I’ve even acknowledged within myself that is He who has kept me gainfully employed at my company in the midst of shockingly massive and debilitating layoffs.  But acknowledging in my head and heart and not actually speaking to God to acknowledge those things in conversation with Him hasn’t really been occurring.  I haven’t been able to get into a deep and earnest discussion with Him.

Am I the only one who has an issue with this?

I was very recently at an event where two toddler boys were running around and enjoying themselves--being normal little boys.  Their parents were within eyesight and the people the children were running among were all friends, family, and trusted associates.  One of the little boys noticed a doll lying on a seat.  He grabbed it to begin playing with it and the other little toddler boy joined him.
A woman from within the onlookers quickly grabbed the hand of the little boy and removed the doll from him.  "No honey.  You are a boy!  You cannot play with dolls!".  I politely asked why she thought this and she responded that she didn't want those boys to become gay.

WHAT?!  Say what, now?!

I calmly told her that allowing a male child to play with a plastic doll would in no way, form, or fashion make a child gay.  I also informed her that my son actively plays with his sister and her dolls with her to make her laugh and smile.  That boy already has eyes for the fairer sex and has began to ask questions about when he gets married and has children, etc. (sigh, he's growing up).  I certainly don't think playing with dolls is going to change that anytime soon.

The woman looked positively shocked that I allow Superbug to play with dolls if he so desires and told me she was always raised that little boys were not to play with doll babies because of the reason she mentioned to me.  I was about to list all of the male members of my family who actively play dolls with their daughters, sisters, cousins, and are not gay, but decided to politely excuse myself from the conversation.  The two toddler boys were now running again and I decided to enjoy watching their play.

After the event was over, I found myself fuming.  I'm from the south. My great-grandmother raised me.  I know all about the old traditions that were passed along from generation to generation.  You would think that someone would start questioning some of them.  I was a huge tomboy growing up.  I didn't even start carrying purses until I started dating my husband.  This never seemed to be an issue except once.  My uncle came home one day and I was wearing overalls and boots.  I'd been to school like that with my signature ponytail and one cornrowed braid across the forehead (ha!).  My uncle looked at me and asked shouldn't I be wearing dresses or girl shorts like the other girls.  He didn't want anyone thinking I was "playing for the other team" (how rude!).  My great-grandmother was within earshot and told him that as long as I was bringing home good grades, behaving as a lady when I went out (i.e. respectful, polite, and non argumentative), I could wear all the non-feminine clothes I wanted.  She invited him and anyone else who had an issue with that to speak to her.  It's one of my favorite memories.

Still, gender and sexuality beliefs have always been there.  I'd like to think that children can be children and play with toys be it doll, truck, or jump ropes for all long as they have an interest in such things.  In a world where almost everyone has their face glued to a screen, it's refreshing to me that children are still using their imaginations and not letting screens do it for them.

I don't know.  Am I wrong for being upset with her line of thinking?  It just bothers me that people can make such generalizations.  I actually Googled it and saw a lot of people think similarly to her.  I don't get it.  Since when did playing with a doll equal an indication of whom a person will become when he or she is older.


Handyman Daddy?

Yes.  There is a question mark behind the title.  No doubt about it (and I say this with all love and respect), but my husband is not known as a handyman, at least not in the traditional sense of the word.  Don't get me wrong.  FatherWinter can put things together that come in boxes with instructions.  He has a bit and drill kit, but rarely uses it.  A regular handyman he is not.  And I'm okay with taking the lead in caulking, screwing, drilling, etc. if I have to.  I'm a farm girl.  It's kind of what we do.  That's why yesterday came as such a shock.

Yesterday, FatherWinter wasn't feeling well.  The previous night he'd had a splitting headache with a stuffy nose and sore throat.  I immediately thought it to be allergies as they seem to have come with a vengeance this March, but he wasn't so sure.  By bedtime, Fatherwinter was so miserable that it was almost certainty that he would not make it to work (which  rarely happens).  Poor baby.

After I got Superbug on the bus and Honeybee secured, I wished him a good day, gave him his kiss, and let him rest as I left for work knowing that's what he needed and desired most.  About midday I received an time-sensitive email from Ms. Care regarding paperwork for Honeybee and the approaching hearing. She required signatures from FatherWinter and I on a document and needed the document dropped that day.  I called FatherWinter and told him I'd be at the house to get his signature and would continue on to the agency office.

When I got to the house, FatherWinter comes outside looking a lot better and had a big grin on his face. "I've been watching Youtube videos!  I'm a handyman!  I can caulk the cracks now".

So, I politely asked my husband what he meant and he informed me that since he was confined to the bed, he decided to watch home improvement videos on caulking.  I'd planned on doing spring cleaning/home improvements next weekend and caulking was on the agenda.  FatherWinter now informed me that he was feeling much better and was on his way to Home Depot.  I didn't even attempt to talk him out of it, lol.  I just wished him luck and continued to drop off the paperwork.

When I returned, FatherWinter was in the kitchen with a Home Depot bag, a caulk gun, a trimming tool, and Superbug was walking around behind him.  They were so excited.  FatherWinter went into out mudroom and "fixed" the first crack.  It wasn't a bad job and that just encouraged him to continue.

He then went up the stairwell repairing the caulking along the crown molding and a small area on our bedroom ceiling.  All in all, it wasn't too shabby.  I know.  I know.  You can't really mess up caulking, but you can make it noticeable.  FatherWinter did a pretty good job and I have no complaint.  Yay, FatherWinter!!!!  All we need now is a bit of paint and everything should be back to pristine.

Shortly after FatherWinter's finished his caulking project, there was a knock at the door.  Standing there was the cutest little boy scout you'd ever want to see with his mom standing a little behind.  He asked FatherWinter if he would be interested in buying any mulch.  Here is the hilarity of the situation.  Of all of the products the little boy was selling, he mentioned mulch first to my husband. Can you guess why?

We are in desperate need of mulch lol.  Currently, my flower bed and evergreen bush bed look like a desert.  A very dry desert with one mean and huge dandelion weed in the middle all just waiting for my annual "spring cleaning" weekend to bring it back into shape.  Again, it's one of those things I am planning on purchasing for my spring cleaning weekend.  I just haven't done it yet.

FatherWinter knew it was on my agenda to purchase and told the little boy that he didn't think we would need any mulch yesterday.  The little boy did a slow head turn, looked at the flower bed, and asked, "are you surrree".  *insert loud giggles here*.  My husband couldn't say no.

He came upstairs, got the money, and paid the little boy for two big bags.  He encouraged him to continue that great entrepreneurial spirit. The bags will be here next week.  I love children.

If the mulch does make it here in time, I'm looking forward to going outside and working.  It's been a while since I've been able to go outside and play in dirt.  This will be Honeybee's first "Mommy Spring cleaning".  I'm so looking forward to it.  I have visions in my head of her sitting beside me in her little gardening pants and hat playing while I try and make everything pretty again.

One things is for sure.  FatherWinter has bitten by the handyman bug.  After the little boy left last night, FatherWinter looked at a few more projects online.  Err...We'll be very cautious and I'll let you all know how it goes.

Have a great and wonderful day!

Life Lessons, Awesomely Inspired

I was once told that we can see God in everything.  I believe that.  I also believe that we are given the opportunity to learn from every interaction.  We can grow from an event or that same event can cause us to lose a piece of ourselves.  My internal prayer is always to laugh, to learn, and to live experiencing each day as an opportunity to better myself and my environment.  Yesterday, I had the opportunity to see that thought process live.

Yesterday, I went to pick up a cake for a farewell gathering at my office.  The bakery section was closing and there was only one gentleman there prepping it for the next day’s work.  I selected a cake and asked him if he would write “Best Wishes” on it.  He readily agreed.  I watched him silently and noticed that he seemed a bit nervous.  Before he wrote out the words, he mimicked them in the air above the cake.  Then he shook his head satisfied with the mimicry and wrote out the phrase I’d requested.  When he returned the cake to me, it looked like the attached picture.  The writing wasn’t pretty.  There was a misspelling.  It certainly wasn’t what I would have expected.  But I didn’t get upset.  I didn’t even bat an eye.

Here was that experience that we hope for in our everyday interactions.  This man was so apologetic and was so eager to please. He looked literally terrified that I would be angry.  It was almost as if he was trying to make himself smaller.  I know that look.  I hate it.  It reminds me on when I was a youngster and the “mean girls” would bully me because I was more interested in getting education than I was in being popular.  I wanted to erase that look from him.  So I chose to be and indeed was thankful for his willingness to serve when he was the only one available.  I heard his apology for not being the best writer, but I chose to focus on his can do attitude.  I was impressed that despite what others (including himself) would have deemed a limitation, he stepped up to do something when he could have easily explained that he wasn’t a sufficient writer and would not be able to provide me services needed.  Because of this young man, I will continue to use this bakery (another writer J), but I will enjoy being served by him. And I may just see if he'd be interested in being a rep for my personal company. Good customer service and earnest employees mean something today…especially to me. 

Thankful for life lessons in everyday situations.


Frustration abounds

Photo credit:
So, yesterday I shared a post of how amazed I was the our daughter had been with us for a full year.  I lovingly recounted the emotions that were in my head as FatherWinter and I went to pick her up from the agency.  I remembered the joy of the day and the feeling of overwhelming love and gratitude it bought.

Shortly after that post was released, I received a call from Ms. Care, Honeybee’s social worker with not so good news.  Sigh.  We are actively in a fight for our daughter.  We have always been in a fight for our daughter, but as comedian Kevin Hart likes to say, “it just got real”.

I really, really want to go into details..the pure unadulterated details as I see them, but I am so worried about legal ramifications that I will keep things as close vested as possible.  I will say only this.  I am so very frustrated that in a world where a child has been loved and raised by a family since said child was two weeks old, and where said child calls the family that has loved her Mama and Daddy, and has developed an intense bond of love and commitment with them; it is heartbreakingly difficult to understand the possibility exists that someone can come in and remove this child simply because they now have an interest because of blood line…not necessarily because of love. 

Tonight and every night hereafter until everything is complete, I will lay my daughter to rest as I have every night since her arrival.  I will place her in her crib, rub my hand over her back and hair, stand above her crib and place a kiss on my fingers and apply it to her hair.  I will say a pray for her protection during the night and I will pray a prayer for protection in days to come.  I will utter the same words I utter every night, “I love you, my sweetness” and I will close the door and allow her to close her eyes in peace.

I will pray that God will give FatherWinter, Superbug, and I strength to endure this storm and that He will be merciful in allowing us to continue to love and raise our daughter.  I don’t think my heart can stand any other outcome.

My husband, in his God-given wisdom, reminded me on the first day of recent communications about the ongoing TPR events that we must not be anxious.  I was short in response at first, but acquiesced almost as quickly because I know his words are true.  The word of God tells me that I am not to be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, I am to present my requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus.  So, I shall. Pray.

I invite my friends, family, and followers of this blog to do the same.

Praying for forever,


A year ago...

It seems like yesterday.  Waking up early, putting Superbug on the bus and wishing him a great day at school.  Hoping in the car with FatherWinter after the bus took off.  A bevy of emotions were running through me.  Nervousness, Happiness, Excitement, Fear...yep, even fear.  What if she didn't like me?  What if we didn't bond?  What if I held her and she screamed her disdain?  What if something happens and this match falls the others.  FatherWinter drove.  I tried light banter, switching subjects, random thoughts and concerns.  It didn't work.  The energy was still there and I remember finally keeping my lips closed and allowing my mind to go through all the possibilities of the day for me.

It seemed like we got to the agency in record time.  Traffic cooperated.  There were no snarls or jams. I remember walking in and wanting desperately to skip the paperwork process and meet her, but they'd not arrived yet and there were still things that had to be discussed.

Then, there was the phone call that announced her arrival and in a few minutes, we walked into the room and saw...perfection.  Pure.  Innocent.  Radiant.  Perfection.  Tears.  I sobbed and praised God at the same time.  Our beautiful baby.  Our daughter.  Our Honeybee.

That moment will be etched into my mind for the rest of my life.  How we held her and took pictures. How we changed her diaper and placed her in her car seat.  How tiny she was.  I remember stopping at the Walmart for additional supplies.  How amazing it was that we were shopping as a family with a newborn.

I remember getting home as Superbug's bus arrived.  How FatherWinter distracted him as I rushed to Honeybee's nursery and held her.  How Superbug walked in and asked if she was a doll and then the grin when he realized that his little sister was home.  How we introduced her to her grandmother.  How we thanked God for her presence.

One year ago.  Our beautiful and perfect Honeybee was placed in our arms and loved from the moment skin touched skin and eye caught eye.  It's hard to believe that the journey isn't yet complete, but that's what makes her story so wonderful.  We are so eternally grateful for the joy she has bought into our lives.  May it always remain.


The Year Well Baby Check-up

Today was our Honeybee's one year well baby check-up.  It's hard to believe that a year ago she was making her first visit to the doctor's office with her Interim Infant Care family.  Today, she came in with FatherWinter.

Overall, the visit went well.  Our Honeybee is still a petite young thing.  She is only 14 pounds, but she has a voracious appetite and is never skips meals.  She is also 27.5" long.  She has quite a while before she is able to face forward in her car seat, but I don't mind.  She has a lot of fun playing in her mirrors and talking to her reflection.

Because we had such issues with her allergies in the beginning, we have to schedule new allergy tests to see if we can introduce her to whole milk.  That's not going to be fun.  But it's necessary.  We certainly don't want to introduce anything to her that will make her ill.  So, for now, she is still on her formula.

She received her immunizations and has a clean bill of help.  It's interesting to see how much she has progressed in just a few short months.  She loves to play Itsy Bitsy Spider.  She mimics a lot of words now.  "No", "Hi", and "Bye" are favorites.  I really am looking forward to being able to share photos of here with you.

The weather is about to start warming up (despite the approaching snow storm for this week).  I'm looking forward to zoo visits, to picnics, to fun.  I'm looking forward to watching her grow up and to being able to share some of that as well.

But, that will be at a different time.  For now, it's time for us to go to bed.  Well, time for me to go to bed.  Everyone else is already sleep.  I'm looking forward to doing the same.

Have a great evening.

Can I Be Honest: Infertility sucks

FatherWinter and I have been very blessed in terms of family.  We have our handsome son, Superbug, who is my son from a previous relationship.  We are actively pursuing adoption for our loving daughter Honeybee and love her more than we could ever express.  We are also actively desiring to expand our family with additional children.  It's something we have always wanted to do in addition to adoption.  We always knew we wanted a large family.  FatherWinter is one of eight for goodness sake.  What we weren't prepared for journey to large family was infertility.

FatherWinter and I have been trying to conceive naturally for just about three years.  We've tried apps, counting calendars, eating fertility inducing name it.  Nothing has helped.  In those three years, two of FatherWinter's sisters have given birth to three children.  One sister got pregnant one month after getting married.  Eighteen months after that beautiful delivery, she gave birth to another baby blessing.

FatherWinter's friends have been dropping pregnancy announcement like rain drops.  One, a former girlfriend, also announced her pregnancy a month after marriage.  A colleague announced his wife's pregnancy two weeks after holding our Honeybee and saying aloud how he would like to start trying with his wife.  One week, FatherWinter received subsequent pregnancy announcements every single day of the workweek.  Sigh....

It's been the same with me.  There are two women at our office who became pregnant within weeks of each other.  They recently delivered.  Both babies are beautiful and both moms very happy.  Then, there are a couple of our mutual married friends.  A few months ago, a very dear friend announced her pregnancy.  We were ecstatic for them!!  They weren't trying, but simply stopped any preventative methods.  A month later.  BOOM.  Pregnant.  Recently, another pregnancy was announced and I was thrilled.  I mean thrilled like literally yell out loud thrilled.  She is an amazing mother and her husband is an amazing father.  But, I'd be lying if I said, I didn't feel that familiar ache in the pit of my womb.  It held like a menstrual cramp.  I knew it wasn't.  It wasn't an ovulation cramp either.  I call it my womb's cry.  Every so often, when I am told of the joyous news of a pregnancy, my womb cries out and I feel it in tangible form.

I feel awful about it.  I love the announcements of pregnancy.  I really, really am happy for all of my friends and family members who are celebrating or surprised at the news.  But, there is a part of me that still mourns the fact that I seemingly can not and will not become pregnant. 

Recently, FatherWinter and I had a conversation that truly involved a soul baring moment.  We discussed the fact that we were both sad that we couldn't conceive.  Yes, I've been to the doctor.  She has said there is no reason why I shouldn't be able to conceive despite having a plum size uterine cyst.  FatherWinter has been evaluated as well.  There are some flags there, but nothing that should keep us completely from conceiving.  Yet, here we are.  We can't get pregnant and it is hurts.

We are more than happy and thrilled that we get to be parents to our Honeybee.  That will never change.  She is our daughter and we love her with everything that is in our mind, body, and soul.  We just acknowledge that giving her another little brother or a new little sister to share her life with is going to be very difficult.

The same holds true for our Superbug.  He brings a lot of love and a lot of joy into our life.  I wouldn't negate his presence for anything!

You know what else is hard about this?  I feel like I shouldn't be feeling this way.  I feel like someone else will see our grieving for the absence of biological conception as a statement that we aren't loving and dedicated parents to our Honeybee (and Superbug).  That is not true.  Honeybee is not some consolation prize.  She is absolutely our daughter and means the world to us.  Not because there is something owed, but because we love her honestly and truly.  But there will always be someone who believes the worst and that is why I believe so many people keep their infertility struggles to themselves.

Infertility is an awful experience.  I know there are many women who are experiencing it and many men who are mourning right along with their loved ones.  I just wish there wasn't such a stigma associated with infertility.  It would be amazing to have a dialogue without fear of judgment.