Showing posts with label pregnancy tests. Show all posts

Anatomy scan

DISCLAIMER: This post contains information about our pregnancy. Because I know all too well how these kinds of posts may affect my fellow #ttcsisters and #ttcbrothers, I include this disclaimer to forewarn you. I understand how much these posts can sting and promise to continue to add the disclaimer on any post that may be related to this pregnancy (assuming viability) so that you may have the option to bow out of reading. I understand.

Hi everyone! I had my anatomy scan a couple of days ago and have finally had some time to share a post about it. Little one looks healthy and happy and was very well behaved during the scan. I was there for about a little over two hours and they measured and scanned everything. I also got to see the baby in 3D, which was a first for me and was beautiful. Little one was yawning and it was such a precious moment that I got teary eyed. S. couldn’t join me and I felt bad at first that he wouldn’t be there, but I have to say that there was something so extremely intimate and powerful about seeing your child on a screen being happy and free. No interruptions, just peace. It was beautiful.

Here are a few of my favorites for you:

Someone was yawning

Perfectly content

Nestled for a nap

I am not scheduled for another scan until 32 weeks. I’m looking forward to that time, just to see how big Little one has gotten since we only listen to heartbeats in the office. It’s still amazing to me that we are at this moment and everything is flowing well. We’ll keep praying it stays that way.

I hope you enjoy the pictures and have a very great day.

By the way, any guesses what Little one may be?  We're still #TeamGreen here, but it's been fun hearing the guess of everyone.

-K

Why I haven’t updated my IG profile with our BFP

I spend quite a bit of free time on my social media pages, especially my #TTC Instagram profile. I like to scroll through the news feed and celebrate all of the good news and offer comfort and prayers where I can for the not so good news. I love seeing names change to reflect pregnancies and positive changes. I like seeing the bio portion of profiles with “#BFP” and positive signs. Some change them after positive betas, others change them after that line on the pregnancy test. Me? I haven’t changed anything yet. I actually think I might have confused a couple of new followers as my bio states I’m still going through IVF/ICSI right now. That’s kind of true. But I am out of the TWW wait and confirmation has been given that betas are rising. I could update to a BFP. But…I can’t, at least not right now.

I need to see him, her…them…our baby(ies). I need to know that there are heartbeats and that they are measuring okay. I need to know that everything is snuggled in and content and happy. I feel awful even typing it because I know that faith is not in sight. It’s the substance of things hoped for. It is the evidence of things not seen. I feel like Thomas doubting the wonderful news of Christ’s resurrection. I get it’s not quite that serious, but you can see the comparison. I feel like God has gifted us with this great blessing and I am not yet able to completely enjoy it.

Every time I wake up without a cramp or a wave of nausea, I worry. Then I pray. And God, in His grace, is usually kind enough to send assurance that I am still carrying a while later .(Thank you, Father.) Yesterday, we received our third beta and it rose significantly from beta #2, but it didn’t double and I was worried. Then the nurse told me that I shouldn't  worry because the increase is so significant and they don’t care about the doubling more than the increase. I still called my sister-friend though (who has been through IVF herself).

She reminded me that I need to treat this pregnancy as a first. It doesn’t matter that I had a pregnancy a decade ago. Everything here is new. This is my first assisted fertility pregnancy. There are new things that I don’t understand. Medicines I didn’t have to take during my first pregnancy I take this time. There are new tests, experiences, etc. She encouraged me to embrace this pregnancy as a first time experience with the added benefit of having experienced some of this before. Read my pregnancy books and blogs. Be cautious. It was great advice.

Today, I continue to move forward. S. and I called the RE office to schedule our first OB Ultrasound. We’re scheduled for Wednesday morning at 9AM. Our doctor will be out of the office next week, but the other doctor will be in. We’ll get to see what God has decided to do.

We have also decided that if all goes well, we will tell our parents after the ultrasound. I’m praying for good news. We appreciate them all very much!

I will write you all again soon.

-K





IVF #2: Beta #2- 4,258!

(This post will contain thoughts on this pregnancy and also the journey to get to this point. Because I know all too well how these kinds of posts may affect my fellow #ttcsisters and #ttcbrothers, I include this disclaimer to forewarn you. Furthermore, I will continue to do so on any post that may be related to this pregnancy (assuming viability) so that you may have the option to bow out of reading. It is not my intent to turn this blog into all things BFP, so I will make sure to try and keep things as open as possible while being sensitive to the stages that all our us are in per our respective journeys).
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Hello everyone. I apologize for disappearing on you. It wasn’t intentional. I got super busy with Christmas planning and haven’t had the luxury of blogging as I wanted. By now you know that on 23 Dec 2016, S. and I received news that we are pregnant. The phone call was amazing and just basking in that knowledge was such a wonderful and God-filled experience.

It wasn’t too much longer that I began to feel bits of confirmation the test was spot on with a huge wave of fatigue and some hints of nausea every once in a while. But, as shared in our post, S. and I are being cautious. We’ve decided not to share the news with our family and friends until we reach the second trimester or unless it becomes obvious, whichever comes first. We don’t want family to be super excited for us and then have to crush that excitement later. This is especially true for S.’s mom who, though much better, is still fighting cancer. So, we’ve enjoyed being pregnant together.

Yesterday was Beta #2. I woke up this morning and was worried that the immediate nausea that has greeted me the past two mornings wasn’t present. I also didn’t feel the heaviness in my breasts I felt last night. I was determined that I wasn’t going to stress too much. I went to the appointment anyway and have felt reminders that something is still going on all day. I was on pins and needles waiting for another beta and, after reading blogs of other fellow #ttc journeymen, I’m not sure I’ll ever stop worrying. Well, maybe after two or three scans. The call usually comes at 2PM. Yesterday,  it didn’t come until 4PM! I was just about to leave for the day when the phone rang.  It was nurse G. and she was spilling the news before I could stop her LOL!  I called S. and conferenced him in, only to be disconnected myself.  No bother, I still heard the results.

Our Beta #2 is 4258! Oh my goodness!!! So, we have another Beta on Thursday and hopefully will be moving toward ultrasound! I am so very excited and so very nervous.

 We’ve been trying for 4 years and 8 months. We may actually be pregnant!  There have been so many times I've squinted over lines that weren't there or cried over lines that were and decided to disappear.  I am so very, very excited.  I'm so very hopeful.  I want to tell everyone, but I then again I don't.  I have already started looking at Pinterest pins and pregnancy apps.  But I'm also cautious. Sometimes, I'll quickly delete a pin or app and say "we don't know what is going to happen".  That isn't fair.

I want to move forward as if our blessing has already arrived because it has.  I have asked God to be pregnant and health.  He's granted that.  That's a blessing.  He may choose to continue blessing S. and I in the future with the birth of a new healthy baby(ies).  If so, that will be another blessing.  I'm thankful just to be considered by Him.

Beta #3 is tomorrow and we'll see what happens.  I am praying for great numbers and a wonderful day.

I will talk with you all soon.

-K

IVF #2: Beta #1= BFP!

Oh my goodness!  Oh my goodness!!!  Hello everyone!  I am on pins and needles, but I have to share today's news with you.

This morning, I couldn't sleep.  I woke up at 3 A.M.  I tried to sleep, but couldn't.  I went down stairs and actually laid on the couch to watch a movie for an hour before finally returning to the bed.  I tossed and turned for a while and then I finally lay down for some sleep.  The alarm woke me not too much later and I hurried myself ready and was out the door.

I gave blood this morning and felt no symptoms.  I even told the nurse that I was hoping and praying for good news, but hadn't felt anything.  When I got home, I was tired.  I mean really tired.  I mean really, really tired.  I was barely able to keep my eyes open and my son asked if I wanted him to sit with his sister so I could rest.  That was very sweet of him.  I figured it was because I woke up so early.  I accepted his offer and took a three hour nap!!!!

Again, I just felt like I overdid it the past couple of days (running around prepping for 20+ people for Christmas Eve dinner).  About 1:35, I realized I missed a call from our nurse and tried calling her back.  It went to voicemail and I called again.  When she picked up, I told her not to say anything before I called S.  I called him and conference called him in.  There, our beautiful nurse A. was beaming ear to ear as she confirmed we ARE pregnant with a beta of 1,375!!!!!!  WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!



Oh my goodness!  I'm so excited, as is S., though he has tried to downplay it a bit.  (The smile gives it away every time).  Nurse A. explained to S. (I already knew) that I will now have 3-4 more betas, with the hope that each will double.  She explained that at 6 weeks, we will have our first ultrasound to see if the heart is beating and to detect how many embryos implanted successfully.  (We reminded her that we transferred two).

I'm so happy, but also so nervous.  I had NO symptoms except cramping.  Now, I have a few..a bit of nausea here and fatigue there.  I don't know if the beta is going to increase.  I hope so.  I hope very much so.

S. and I have agreed not to share the news with any of our family or friends until after the first trimester is over or until we are sure we are at a point of viability.  That sounds so harsh and I hated the discussion, but I understood.  We don't want to bring the family up only to crush them if something should happen.

While they don't know the details of our journey, or our infertility, they do know that children are a desire of ours.

But I refuse to dwell in the low of it.  I am going to smile and enjoy every wave of nausea, every cramp, and every moment of fatigue.  These babies are on board and they are going to stay on board!!!

-K

IVF #2 12dp5dt: Beta Eve

Hello everyone. It’s that time again. I sit here the night before Beta and honestly have no idea what tomorrow’s results are going to be. I remained true to my word and I didn’t test at all. I have managed to stay pretty busy during this TWW, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t had my moments.

I’ve been watching with cheers and excitement as so many of you have celebrated #BFPs on days 5, 6, 7, and 10 of 5dts. I’ve read your symptoms of nausea and cravings, of breast pain and fatigue. I don’t have any of those. I have no breast pain. I have had occasional waves of nausea, but I blame it on the fertility supplements and my mind (which is an extremely powerful muscle). I did have two toilet tissue wipes of pink spotting and then nothing. I have also had a few days of pretty intense cramping and then nothing with the exception of this afternoon. I honestly have no idea of what tomorrow will bring.

I’ve been loving my body as if I do have confirmation though. I’ve been trying to eat healthier. I’ve been making sure that I’ve been taking all of my meds. I’ve been trying to stay as stress free as possible. I have been preparing for this beta and hoping that it brings good news and numbers. But, it may not and while that would hurt, it would be okay as well. We would just keep trying until we have exhausted our shared risk and our options. Wow, I hope it doesn’t come to that.

I spoke to nurse A. today and she told me that she has fingers crossed and prayers that this is our cycle.  I pray it is.  I really do.  How absolutely amazing it would be to have a positive pregnancy test for Christmas. We will see.

Please drop by tomorrow and we'll see what the results are.  Praying for great news.

-K

Beta morning

Good morning!

Well, today is the day.  No matter what happens, by the end of this day, S. and I will know if by some miracle God has allowed us to successfully achieve pregnancy from our first IVF w/ ICSI cycle.  I've kept my promise and haven't tested anymore.  I don't know if I am pregnant or am not.  I've no symptoms beyond a little fatigue and occasional nausea, both of which are familiar to me as PMS symptoms.

I have been told there is no real goal IVF beta number, but Dr. Google begs to differ.  It doesn't matter.  This morning, I seek only to get this test done, and get a response.  Everything after is for another day.

Beta day is here

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8dp5dt: Just keep swimming

Sorry, I've been a bit absent.  Truth be told, I wanted a little time to catch my breath from the past couple of days.  On 5dp5dt, I was feeling really, really bummed because I didn't feel anything.  By anything, I mean anything.  I have been pregnant before.  I've even had chemical pregnancies advance with pretty convincing symptoms.  This time I felt nothing.  Not even a little bit.  I was disappointed and figured I was out completely.  So, I decided to log onto Instagram and saw several of my fellow #TTCsisters showing pregnancy tests at 5 and 6 days past transfer with faint lines and not so faint lines. I figured if I wasn't feeling anything and the test could confirm that, then at least I would know right?  I am also more than able to admit that there was a part of me that would see a line on my test.  It worked...kind of.

I found a couple of tests still in the house from my last testing frenzy.  The problem is they were blue dye tests.  Every single false positive or chemical pregnancy test result I have ever received has been from a blue dye test.  So, while I didn't want to necessarily put my trust in the test, I used what I had and this happened....

Hope your resolution is up.  There's a faint blue line behind that horizontal.

I had a positive.  Faint, but it was there.  Or was it.  Because I have come to trust the honest opinions of the ladies in our #TTCcommunity, I posted the result and asked for opinions.  Everyone saw the same vertical blue line.  BUT, several of the sisters admonished me to remember what I already knew. Blue dye tests are unreliable.  They asked me to try the first response early response test.

Well, silly me, I grabbed the wrong ones and got the first response rapid response tests instead.  They don't provide early pregnancy results.  So, I came up with this when I tried.

The top two were taken 5dp5dt.  The bottom two were taken at 6dp5t.
The CBs are the only ones that register positive.

There were no clear positives on the FRRR tests.  So, discouraged, I promised myself that I would not test again until beta.  But I was fooling myself.  I was so disappointed because yesterday, all I felt was a bit of nausea.  Even that was come and go.  I just wanted to see the test again.  Just to be sure.

No doubt there, it's negative
And with that, here we are.  I will not test again.  I know the result.  I know that it's done.  I know that we we have to try again.  I know that we are fortunate to have five more chances before it's up for us. I am trying to have hope, but I'm pretty sure this cycle is a loss for us.

I'll keep you updated on Friday when we finally have our 14-day beta.

Have a great day.

-K